"To Market, To Market."

If you happen to have a bad stock, you could lose your shirt. If you happen to have a bad date, you could lose your whole will to live. However, if the date is great, the stakes get even higher. After weathering down all the ups and downs, you could one day find yourself with nothing. So, when it comes down to finance and dating, I couldn't help but wonder ... Why do we continuously invest?

I think we'll invest ourselves and our time into a particular woman because we genuinely believe they are "The One" - "The One" who holds the key to our predestined "Happily Ever After". But if I've learned anything from the Titanic, it's that not every ending is necessarily happy. Sometimes it's controversial, disappointing and/or really upsetting. It seems that when things are smooth sailing and wonderful, it's only a matter of time before you go overboard. The only thing driving and motivating us to get back on board is our will to achieve love ... Achieve a love that won't leave you alone and shipwrecked.

If you can find the willpower within you to get back on the emotional Titanic, who's to say that next time you are not going to fall? There's no guarantee, and as most of us know from our personal experiences, that in life there is no safety net ... It seems that over the years thing have gone from being fun, to being scary. Anywho, once back on the boat, you'll meet a new girl with her own personalized array of issues, and think that you've learned a valuable lesson from your past relationship(s), so that this time the investment will somehow turnout differently, further contemplating the chances of her being "The One" as time progresses. Well, what're you to do in the event that her baggage goes and whacks you right across the face? You weren't anticipating that happening and you've found yourself going overboard again...

You thought that your past of sunken ships was long behind you - But there the problem reared it's ugly little head again. You're either wondering one of these two things ... "What's going on with the overpopulation of icebergs?" or more logically, "Why does all this keep happening to me - Was I a bad person in a past life now doomed to always end up devastated and heartbroken?" The past will likely start hitting you hard for awhile. You'll be left to consider your next move and whether or not you're stable enough to get yourself back on the boat - You'll be tired of the games people play as much as the next guy is. We spent our whole childhoods playing fun games. Were they simply the primers for the less-than-fun games we play as adults? Were relationships actually just this colossal chess match ... Strategy, moves, counter-moves all designed to keep your opponent off-balance until you ultimately emerge victorious? Is there such thing as an honest relationship, or is there just a hidden ring leader calling all the shots waiting for the weaker lover to fold under the pressure?

I'd like to welcome you to the age of un-innocence. Nobody has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at 7 A.M and affairs we attempt to forget as quick as we possibly can. Self protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has officially decided to go fly the co-op. If you can manage to find it deep within you to get back on the boat yet again, you're a trooper and don't have any regrets ... For those who truly want a love worthy of an eternity and are willing to fight for it, shall receive it. However, some people are too terrified of the boat to get back on it and others are simply unsure all together. So, what're you going to do - Drop out now and spare yourself of the future heartache, or keep believing and investing in love until you finally score it?

"Easy Come, Easy Go."

It's a common belief that us men use the right, more logical side of the brain and that women use the left, more emotional side. But is it really that cut and dry? It appears that when it comes to the affairs of the heart, there's a rough battle between what we know and what we feel. So, what do you do in a situation that leaps between the left and right side? When it comes to relationships, is it wiser to follow your head or your heart?

If our relationships are meant to be about our heart, where is there a place for our head? Relationships are more than just feeling and thinking, they are what we do. Building a relationship inevitably indicates exposing our heart - Which can be extremely risky, but you cannot win if you do not risk losing ... Go big or go home. I'm aware that building a relationship also means receiving with our heart. The most important and substantial way of doing this is by listening. We have to listen to those red flags that say this isn't going to work. Do not get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that you have "impossible" standards - But don't ignore those warning signs about a person because you're tired of being alone. I know that it's easier said than done ... But it will be well worth it if we stop spending much time with Ms. Almost and start the rest of our lives with Ms. Always and Forever.

We do need to think about finding love ... In the exact same way we think of our 401K. If you're not getting out of it what you put into it, you likely won't continue to waste your time. I'm not saying to think of love as a business, but more as an investment. By adopting the same approach that you have when you decide to buy a house, you spare yourself the disappointment and heartache of it not working out - You're not surprised when you have a leaky roof because you took the time to have it inspected ... If you're not getting what you need then get out now because it's only going to get worse.

So ... Head or heart? Both! Just be sure to get a return on your love investment because although love may be free itself, if it doesn't work out as originally expected, you lose something that money just can't buy - Time, and even a bit of your own heart.

"The Defining Moments."

In order to give definition to something complex as a romantic relationship, one must be able to compare it to something else. To one person, establishing that two people are "boyfriend and girlfriend" is the only way that you can define a relationship, while from another person's perspective, spending time with another person in a more intimate way than you would a friend is a relationship. Clearly, defining a relationship in this day and age, is not as easy as one would hope. A relationship can't simply be defined as a "strong connection between two people" or as "connecting with someone on a personal and a physical level" or more simply, "dedicating yourself to someone who you can have sex with". However, what ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship...

When a person does enter a new relationship, how are they to know whether what it is they have is "good" or not? From personal experience and observation, I have learned that when we try to determine a relationship's value, it always seems to come down to comparing it to the ones in the past. Of course you will think your first relationship is the best you have ever had, because it's the only one you've ever had. When you eventually move on, and find a new relationship, you will then finally be able to determine the actual "goodness" of the previous one(s). Does this new girl call as much as the last one(s) did? Does she enjoy exploring new and exotic places with you as much as the last? Does she remember special occasions like your birthday and Valentines Day like the last one(s)? Once we begin to start comparing these women, we can figure out are best and worst relationships and learn what to look for in the future ... However, once men get caught up in the process of comparing and evaluating, can we and will we ever really stop doing so?

It is a well known fact that every woman brings something different "to the table". One relationship may have been filled with passion but anger, while another was filled with happiness but predictability. Wouldn't it be a miracle if we could take the passion from the first relationship and the happiness from the second and form a new, even better relationship? Obviously, we're unable to do that (But with the scientific engineering of our time, at some point we may be able to, but let's leave that for a different day). If we can't build our own "perfect woman", and we can't change the demeanor of the women in our lives, why would we start comparing - What purpose does this process serve other than reminding us of what we'll never have?

The only way to define a current relationship is to compare it to the ones of the past, but when a man can't stop comparing will he ever be able to appreciate what he currently has?

"The Big Time."

I couldn't help but think about the role time plays in relationships. I'm going to use the most obvious example, in saying "I love you" to your partner. How much of a difference would it make if instead of today, you said such a thing yesterday or any day other than today? I'd say the same question applies for sex as well. It appears that everyone fears that the timing of something will either make or break the relationship they are in.

Individuals in relationships are sometimes trying to perfectly plan out their romance ... Constructing and deriving what one would call a relationship itinerary. Are relationships really nothing but a travel document? Is there a hidden list of 'where-and-whens' you must follow in order to ultimately get to a place where you're happy and satisfied in your relationship? Whatever happened to the idea of going with the flow? When you're worried about tomorrow and what's going to happen, you're making it utterly impossible for yourself to enjoy the present moment. In the matters of saying "I love you" to your special someone and having sex, is there such thing as the perfect timing? I think of it as solely a matter of what feels right. That's the misconception ... Individuals waste so much effort in finding the time something 'should' happen, as opposed to adhering to and listening to what's in their heart - Because believe it or not, there's no timing out there more perfect than what just feels right...

But who knows ... Suddenly, it can feel as if though timing is everything in your life and your relationship. All of the right things, said and done at all the wrong times. Your past, all coming back to you way too fast - Your future, taking way too long to come back home. I couldn't help but wonder ... Is timing everything?

"The Fuck Buddy."

We've all got a pattern ... What is yours? We walk around, reminding ourselves to be cautious the next time we meet a girl. You think you have learned a valuable lesson from your earlier relationships and things will be different this time around - But mysteriously enough, you wind up ultimately making the same mistakes you said you wouldn't, breaking the promise to yourself of not getting hurt this time around. It appears as if though we are doomed to meeting these girls who are either not completely over their ex-boyfriends or they simply don't know what they feel for us or what it is that they want. Needless to say, it's always a confusing disappointment of the heart. 

I couldn't help but wonder ... Are we all simply victims to unconditioned responses - Doomed to repeat the same unconscious relationship patterns? Are we all ultimately dating the same person over and over again if you really get to thinking about it? If this is the case, should we really try to break these patterns, and simply date a girl who isn't really our type ... Or will that wind up being an even bigger disappointment?

"Change Of A Suit."

I couldn't help but wonder ... Maybe we're simply programmed to carry on the human race, lulled into the "I really want a baby" by what's expected of us and the threat of the ticking clock. In the matters of marriage, I'm simply unsure ... I think the essence of marriage has changed so much. I think that these days people get married because they believe to love one another, but know that with a prenuptial agreement implemented, it's a financial safeguard if they were to split up in the long run (I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket, unless I'm sure I'll be alright if the basket were to break.) Anywho, explore and spill your mind - Have we socially constructed these concepts as "normal"?

Is it truly that cut and dry that everybody wants to ultimately end up as happily married parents? Is being a PTA mommy or daddy the unanimous desire? Or, is it simply what is to be expected of us, which therefore leads us to ultimately become one? If everyone's expected to ultimately lead the same home life, then there's really no individuality. There's nothing wrong in leading a life such as this, but looking underneath the surface, is it really what works for everyone and is it the life everyone truly wants?

Perhaps, settling down and having children isn't everyone's cup of tea ... That particular lifestyle may not be as fulfilling for one as it is for another, leaving it to not be the best thing for them. If you never get married, you'll never have to face a bitter and terrible divorce - That's a completely understandable way of thinking in my opinion. A lifelong relationship without marriage may seem completely appropriate and fabulous for and to them. Although it's mutually considered true, you do not necessarily have to tie the knot to live happily - It's solely a matter of choice and personal belief/preference. However, the belief and idea of settling down and having babies as "normal" has been passed down from generation to generation, inevitably making it just another concept of life we see ourselves following in the end.

...Which leads me to wonder - Do we in actuality really want these things (children and marriage), or are we simply programmed?

"The Turtle And The Hare."

Depending on what it is you're searching for, dating in the Small Town can make you feel like a kid in a candy store or a parched wanderer in a desert coming across nothing but mirages. Even if you're not the total jackass that can be found practically anywhere and everywhere, the seemingly infinite choices render most people paralyzed and incapable of making a firm decision...

Inevitably, when you're positive there's something better out there, you can't help but try to find it. You begin to see yourself falling prey to the tyranny of choice - The idea of that people, when they are faced with too many options, find it that much harder to ultimately make a selection. If you are attempting to choose a girlfriend, out of a flock of thousands of them, you may end up selecting none of them. Or, you see someone until someone better comes along. The term for this would be "trading up" ... It can lead you to believe your opportunities are infinite, and therefore to question what you already have.

However, on the total opposite end of the spectrum, there are those who're completely tired of the seeming futility of it all and who just want to get off the damn dating carousel already. If you really are eager, to say nothing of desperate for a long-term partner, you may have to contend with something else - The tyranny of unwitting compromise ... The people who are looking may not be the people that you are looking for. Some people are too picky, and others aren't picky enough. Some hitters are swinging at every first pitch, and others strike out looking.

Once you've spent quite some time in the dating loop, it becomes tricky not to fall prey to either of the two - As I constantly encounter/witness men and women who appear to be perpetually looking over their date's shoulder, just in case somebody better walks past the first course of theirs. What people fail to realize is that the only reason they should be with somebody is if you're crazy about each other. If one of you is still looking over the other one's shoulder, or if the only thing that binds you is the fear of missing the boat, that is simply not enough.

I couldn't help but wonder ... In the Small Town of such great expectations, is it time to settle for what you can get?

"Undisclosed Desires."

Sex ... I couldn't help but recognize how individuals have various beliefs on the particular subject matter. In lieu of religious circumstances, some individuals may carry a very biased outlook on it in general. However, I'm here solely to shed a little light on this specific topic...

I'm fully aware of how some embrace their religious values - Not having sex until after they are married. Also, I'm sure plenty nonreligious folk believe in this as well. I'd first like to say how I have absolutely no problem with those who feel/think this way. However, there are those who deem sex as 'unnecessary' and 'wrong' all together. That's what influenced me to write this post. There's nothing wrong with sex by any means ... There's especially nothing wrong with making love to the person that you're in love with. Sex is the ultimate form of exchanging love after all. I couldn't help but wonder ... Must you first exchange vows before exchanging love? It's common knowledge and sense that sex is highly important to relationships, especially these days. What's a relationship without that intense physical chemistry and connection, riddled with passion? Where at any given moment, you feel as if though you have to have that person right then and there? If you've never felt that in your relationship, you should reevaluate the situation. If there's zero physical allure, then that's not a relationship ... It's a friendship. However, I'm not attempting to disregard the mental connection - As that too is a very important aspect in relationships. You simply cannot be with somebody who is incapable of holding an intellectual conversation or serious discussion when it's necessary.

The absence of having sex in a relationship can be extremely fatal. There are numerous detrimental outcomes that can easily arise in a relationship due to it. I'd say the outstanding issue would have to be cheating and unfaithfulness. Individuals inevitably have sex drives' (Some more persistent than others), and if in the relationship the absence of sex is too prolonged for someones needs, they very will may turn to outside resources for pleasure. Even to the dismay of the other individual, that outside resource may unfortunately be another person. If you're the person whose cheated on your partner for the intimate gratification you've been deprived of for however long, what are you to do in this predicament? Carry the guilt of unfaithfulness on your shoulders not telling your partner? Or coming clean to them taking the likely risk of splitting up in the end of the disaster?

Here's a solution for you : Refrain from cheating ... If your needs are unmet to the point you start contemplating cheating, it's imperative you have a serious discussion with your partner about it. Avoid the confusion and heartbreak by talking these things out. If your partner is still persistent in avoiding sex and won't budge for whatever reason(s), something has to be done. Splitting up may be the course of action that's best for the both of you. They can continue on with their conquest of trying to find an individual capable of abiding to their certain beliefs that they value so greatly, leaving you to explore yourself and the world once again, having all of the mind-blowing sex that you desire, eventually finding that one individual who does it for you that you can stay with for an eternity.

Don't feel bad for breaking it off with somebody because of the absence of sex ... Great sex is highly important to having a successful relationship, it's a completely natural act, it's totally fabulous and will never go out of style. The moral of the story is it's always easy finding an outlet for your computer, but it's a completely different ballgame when in regards to your desires and your frustration. Relationships, no matter how good are inevitably a series of compromises. But I'm just wondering as to how much of us we should be willing to sacrifice for the other person before we stop being ourselves. Don't walk that fine line, second-guessing who you are and changing yourself for somebody - It's simply not worth it, especially when you could be out and finding that one individual you're completely free to be yourself with.

"Take Me Out To The Ball-Game."

I've been deeply thinking about my last relationship, since rereading my latest posts. I couldn't help but get to rehashing the devastation following the break-up. First, I intensely wondered if it would be a good investment to institute a helmet law for modern relationships ... Then, I succumbed to practicality when wondering if their should be break-up guidelines and rules, each individual should incorporate to cope with the fiasco of experiencing a bad break-up and to lessen the blow...

Here's a tidbit of advice : Always reserve a small spot for your ex somewhere in the back of your mind, because the moment you stop thinking about them all together, they'll appear in some way. Inevitably you'll be reminded of your past relationships when doing certain things or when you're visiting certain places. However, by keeping them somewhere in the back of your mind, those reminders of the memories will not be nearly as startling because you have not yet completely forgotten about them. I consider that to be a very crucial after break-up guideline. However, I'm still fully aware that some individuals will choose to attempt and completely forget about a past relationship all together. As tempting as it seems, it's definitely no small task. I know you may never want to be reminded of less than stellar past experiences, but it's inevitable. Believe me as I have been there before ... All you'll accomplish in attempting not to face your demons nor learning to accept things, is receiving reminders of them even more brutal.

I think I'd say that my second after break-up rule would have to be destroy all pictures where she looks sexy and you look happy. Destroy any avoidable bad memories. Even a super oblique glance at those photographs will bring you back to a simpler time when everything in your love life was going great. Those good memories instantly alter into bad ones, once you begin to fixate on and nitpick the past and what exactly went wrong in that relationship. Therefore I see destroying pictures as very important.

I'm super positive that my third after break-up guideline would have to be your friends. Allow me to further explain ... You'll never get through any of these rather rough experiences, no matter who it was that hurt you, without the comfort and support of your really close friends. Never lose sight of them when the relationship's all sunshine and roses because sometimes things unfortunately take a turn for the worse. When things do take the proverbial turn for the worse, that's when you will need your close friends the most.

Of course everybody is different in the way that they handle situations, and there's no existing manual that relates flawlessly written detailed information on how to 'properly' cope with an awful break-up. The best that we can do is huddle together and share experiences, taking portions from one anothers' what we will, concocting guidelines and deriving our own individual manual on what works best for us when dealing with a bad break-up. These manuals will be tweaked as time goes on and things change, eventually leaving us with our personalized 'How-To-Guide' of getting over a gut-wrenching break-up.

"Pressing Send."

People say that everything happens for a reason. These people are usually men - And these men are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that women can get out of a relationship without even a simple goodbye (So I've Experienced), but us men apparently have to get married or learn something from the whole ordeal. Why are we always in such a gold rush to get from confused to Confucius? Do we search for 'lessons' that can lessen the pain?

I'm writing this solely because I found myself doing this after my confusing break-up ... She had her friend break-up with me over a text message. Which inevitably got me thinking as to whether or not she ever really cared about me throughout our seven month journey together. If a commitment has come to its end, it should be concluded in a fashion which honors what you shared. Luckily, I had some close friends who comforted and supported me through all of this in my time of need and searching of answers.

I spent weeks making excuses and concocting theories, all in efforts of lessening the pain and finding closure. Until it had dawned upon me ... Sometimes there are no excuses or admissible reasoning for the poor decision making and judgement of other people. Eventually, I had come to the realization that she's just the common coward, whose priorities are fucked up and needs help. Once I faced my demons and recognized that it wasn't my fault in any way, I was finally free to be me again.

If you're currently in the midst of overcoming a bad break-up with someone you really cared about, but their emotional instabilities got the best of the relationship, see it in this perspective ... Individuals spend too much time finding others they can blame for something, too much energy seeking excuses that can explain the lack of others being what they're capable of being, and not enough energy in putting themselves back up on the line, outgrowing the past, and furthermore getting on with their lives again.

"The Haunting Season."

Could you get to a future when your past is your present? I've been pondering this for quite some time. See, I was in this relationship for seven months, with a girl that I actually really liked. I had really thought that there was something promising there. But, in the end it winded up being A.D.D, another dating disaster...

I have reason to suspect she's a lesbian, who may or may not know it yet ... She's over-compensating for something. Isn't there always that time allotted for adjustment after a break-up? Well, ours certainly didn't appear to phase her in the least. Within a matter of days, she had a recycled boyfriend on her arm. This was not just a one time thing, it's a distinctive pattern in her love life. There's absolutely no break-up adjustment period allotted into her life, her focus is simply finding a new guy, over and over. In these three years of living in the Small Town, she has only been single for six months, tops.

I have observed that once relationships begin to start requiring equal effort on both ends, and it's not as fresh and smooth sailing like the beginning was, she bails at the drop of a dime. Apparently, she feels as if she deserves this idealistic fairy tale love finish which would require no work on her end, while the man pampers her. Maybe her downfalls in relationships stem from the less than stellar marriage her parents had, and she is not yet over that yet. However, if that is the case her solution isn't another relationship, it's a therapist. Here's the issue with her and her yearning for a fairy tale ... She seems to never let a good relationship flow and blossom into what it's meant to be. It's like her love life is a contradiction, she won't remain in a relationship if things are going in the direction she wants. Which I believe stems from her unresolved issues with her parents divorcing. She knows what she wants, regardless of the superficial expectations. However, something in the back of her mind must keep continuously telling her throughout each relationship, that if something appears good to dismiss it because it can only end up bad like her parents.

There are many factors to take into account. I'll never be too sure what her problems with commitment stem from, the possibilities are seemingly endless. Regardless, she's a dangerous individual to get attached to. She'll end up hurting you, as I've witnessed time and time again and have even experienced myself. Now that I've summarized the relationship I had with her and other details, I'm now capable of getting to the point of this blog post. I really feel as if though this past relationship haunts me from time to time. I truly cared about her, and what I find baffles me the most, is the way in which she disregarded me. She had the audacity of having one of her friends break up with me over a text message. When a relationship unfortunately dies, can we ever give up the ghost? Or are we to be forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past and what could have been? The answer is likely yes. Inevitably you'll be reminded of past relationships throughout your life, when you're doing certain things or you're visiting certain places.

You'll never be able to alter your past. Through time and with the comfort and support of your close friends, you'll learn to accept things. Never lose sight of your close friends through these times, this will be when you are in need of them the most. Also, be the kind of friend that someone can turn to in their time of need. These things happen, and you'll see that the past has only made you a stronger person who's ready for future relationships. Never let your past be something that negatively tampers with your future. Once you've faced your demons, say hello to the new and improved you. And when the past calls, send it straight into voicemail, because it has absolutely nothing new to say...

"Belles...Of The Balls."

I couldn't help but get to thinking about my friends - Body image depression, unpredictable mood swings, those late night calls obsessing about a relationship ... Did I mention that these are predominately my male friends? So, maybe men and women aren't from different planets as pop culture would have us believe. Perhaps in actuality we live a lot closer to one another than one might think, dare I even say it, in the same zip code? In view of current circumstances and which I've prior stated, I couldn't help but wonder ... Are we men really just women with balls?

If you thoroughly consider it, it's not like we emotionally differ nowadays as opposed to the past. We're all simply throttling up on power in the bedroom, as these day you're prone to accumulating a lengthy list of sexual partners due to all the game players and emotionally unavailable individuals who roam freely among us. It's really not far fetched to proclaim that the few who still believe in true love are beginning to lose hope in the whole idea.

Maybe, it's even less far fetched in proclaiming the improbability of believing in true love nowadays, given the cynical world we live in now. Perhaps, it's exactly what's making women fashion the negative male stereotype in the matters of commitment. But if men and women are indeed becoming one in the same in a world where it is said that opposites attract, and never equivalents, what precisely does that imply for the future?

"The Emotional Pride Jazzy Riders."

I truly think relationships are the emotional Olympics. There are men entering relationships with these women who're perfect on paper. They've got themselves great jobs, they're free-spirited and uninhibited, excelling in a mans world. You truly think that there's something promising there. However, after a few months pass, what's a man to do in the event that he discovers all of her emotional disabilities and shortcomings?

It's never a subtle discovery. Metaphorically, you open up her closet one random day, to then have all of her emotional baggage piled on from her subsequent relationships with men topple over upon you. Crutches, walkers, wheelchairs and all else which lies between out in the clear daylight. You're simply left to question how yet again you ended up underneath an emotional hoveround. After a bit more time you'll begin seeing things change.

You'll rapidly begin to see your partner change. The picture-perfect relationship you had envisioned at the beginning will slowly begin to fade - True colors beginning to show. You've either ended up with the compulsive liar from hell or even a bi-polar bag lady in the making. The possibilities are just endless. That my friend is A.D.D, another dating disaster. These types of realizations are scary and even downright startling. You've finally found a gal with whom you believed you had this solid connection with, in the end to discover she's this emotionally impaired reject? That's the thing with the dating world now, you can never know what and who is just around the corner...
You're dating roadkill, swept right underneath yet another emotional pride jazzy. In a world where emotional paraplegics are everywhere, has it become in style nowadays to be emotionally unattainable?

"The Modern Melee."

I couldn't help but get to thinking about technological advances and their affect on relationships. Individuals are spending a lessened amount of time with their partners because of newfangled leisures in communication nowadays. Partners are conversing via messengers and video chats because they can in such a modernized world like this. Although technology is undeniably useful, and maybe it lessens confrontations in relationships these days because you're not face to face in the experience, but it's a tricky figure. Because without sharing your worlds, even the hottest of relationships can stop cold.

It's now the normality to start a relationship or even to end one via technology. Proclaim me as old fashioned, but I simply don't deem that as acceptable. I believe that a commitment should be honored, and by using this technology to predominately control your relationships is nothing short of a mockery of love. I believe that like the good 'ol days, relationships should be handled appropriately with honor and a sense of security, keeping that unmistakable spark intact. Remember the spark?

I don't understand how anyone could figure a text message being an authentically romantic way to initiate a new relationship. I'm lost in trying to locate the meaningfulness within that in that type of approach. That's just modernized cliche if you were to ask me my opinion regarding the matter. I suggest a memorable approach, something that lays meaningful groundwork for the relationship, both individuals could never forget. I refuse to settle for anything less than a beginning that would truly mean something.

Here's another thing that truly bothers me within modernized concepts of relationships : Individuals who break up with someone over a phone call or even a text message. I consider that highly disrespectful to your partner. It's alright if you would like to call it off with someone, but I think you should do it in a manner which will honor the commitment you once had with them. Attempting to avoid that uncomfortable break-up conversation because you don't want to be the proverbial bad guy is actually what makes you the said proverbial bad guy. Would you want someone you've had a passionate love with to completely disregard you in such a crude fashion though?

How are you going to manage all your future relationships? Will you attempt to keep the romance alive in person? Or will you tend to those relationships behind a screen? I think you and I both know the proper selection and it's now up to you to make it happen. I adore technology, but all things in moderation. I don't think we should tamper with great relationships by abusing the usage of devices. Everything has its' proper purpose, but I find it better to leave excessive technological usage outta relationships, they don't mesh when abused. Dignify your coupleship by maintaining it together in the flesh...

I couldn't help but wonder, has modernization influenced relationship doomsday?

"Evolutionary Relationships?"

Ever since Woody Allen described waving to Mia Farrow, the single-males of The Small Town yearned for that type of say 'separate-togetherness'. I've said this a few times before but, I feel as if I'm the last dinosaur...Was I the one who needed to adapt? If so was my view on relationships' extinct? I couldn't help but really getting to think about it : The Small-Town, a place where gay men are so out they're in, women, so chronically single ovaries may become the next vestigial organ...The Small-Town, where astonishingly enough, you can have almost anything delivered at practically any hour : You could have food prepared, dry-cleaning done, your dog groomed...So who exactly needed a wife when they could have a doorwoman? The woman who opens the door to where you will eat great meals and have even greater sex with people you'll have no further emotional attachment to...Are we The Small Townies' evolving past relationships?

And, here's a thought... ~ I'm constantly talking about the beliefs of society, and how absurd I find all of them. But you have to take into consideration all of the miscellaneous negative things that occur in modern relationships. Maybe that explains why they're so lackluster nowadays...Sometimes I wonder if men and women suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then...

"The Ick Factor."

After rereading my latest posts, I couldn't help but wonder...It's certainly known that true love and romance are lackluster these days. Society has imposed and preached absurd new beliefs that I find troubling and rather reckless. It's all about the quantity, just how many individuals can you hop into bed with. And not about quality relationships and finding your true-love. Sure, you're certainly entitled to your fair share of hooking up, but has it gone too far among individuals these days? Seriously, I'm quite concerned. In the rapid progression of the disintegration of meaningful relationships based upon love and romance, it's not rocket science in determining that at this rate, quality relationships could go extinct...

Now, I would like you to really think about that for a moment...I'm just curious, do you find that thought nearly as petrifying as I find it? But, regardless of how you feel, a large percentage of individuals really don't seem to care. I'm one who honestly believes you don't know what you've got until it is gone. What has got to happen, what must we succumb to, to realize the treatment of relationships these days is pitiful and they're taken for granted? It's frivolous believing that you can be fulfilled and happy, with having your love life only consist of intimate encounters. It may not be tomorrow or the day after that, even in the next year, but reality will hit you. You'll realize you've made the improper choices for too long, it might be too late, and you'll never really know what love is...

Love is infinite and magnificent and there is nothing else like it in the world, something that we all need, whether we decide to admit it or not is irrelevant. You need love to survive and to thrive. We are not emotionally deprived beings after all...I'm not really sure what to say at this point, change among the beliefs of individuals is imperative, in my opinion. Romance should be valued and not casted aside solely because one's beliefs and their priorities are jacked up. I feel as if I'm the last dinosaur...Are my views regarding what a dignified relationship is extinct? What does the future hold for meaningful relationships? At this rate, will there even be a future in attaining quality relationships? Who really knows, let's try to make changes and gain a little perspective, take it from there and see what happens...

Have we become terribly jaded or are we just intolerant of romance, nowadays?

"The Agony And The 'Ex-'tasy"

I'm thinking about soul-mates. Realistically, from a relatively young age, you'll be informed about a journey in life. This's a very specific journey... - The exquisite journey of finding your soul-mate in life. You're first perspective of true love and romance is usually rather misguided, you'll believe that your first boyfriend/girlfriend is the one for you. However, once that doesn't work out as originally planned, and you have had more experiences with relationships, your perception begins to alter. As you age, you'll see that the journey of finding your true love is quite a lengthy one. It's rarely easy and short...

But, I have some radical perspective regarding soul-mates. You'll experience a lot of heartache along this illustrious journey. Which leads me to ponder, is finding your soul-mate reality or torture? These heartaches have an extensive history of leading to depression, and even suicide at times, depending on what came about within you due to that break-up. It really gets you wondering, what's truly the underlying value of this hurt, wouldn't it be plausible to chuck it up as unnecessary considering it obtains no benefits?

I think if you're determined to find your soul-mate, you'll have to be headstrong, somewhat emotionally and mentally prepared for these types of events while also being sure that you're keeping an open mind. Although, I understand just how challenging that can be. It's very draining and stressful, but you must remain positive. Think about the good times, try and avoid nitpicking all of the negatives. Again, difficult, as the negatives can completely compromise your whole life in unspeakable ways which can have the ability of leading to who knows what later on...
Soul-mates : reality or a torture device?

"What's Your Preference?"

Recently, I went out to indulge in an early-morning breakfast with Gabby, John and Kim. Afterwards, we decided to catch a flick in the mid-afternoon. Something was quite different about this friendly excursion as I had shared an experience with Gabby and Kim, I've never truly had before. And strangely enough it involves erotica ( Erotic Novels ). Somehow, we got to discussing the difference between these erotic novels and porn...

Erotica always has a plot, an intriguing one at that. Porn, doesn't. Or, if it does, it's rather cheap and the acting is poor. Following the 'acting', you'll generally see a vicious form of sex. It's to my knowledge some find this appealing, typically being men, however I don't.

I miss the unmistakable love and the fierce passion that took a relationship by storm, in all aspects including sex. Now, sex literally walks the streets and you see it everywhere. Romance is disintegrating and those attempting to reintegrate it are emerging unsuccessful, as they continuously get bombarded with the new absurd beliefs society preaches. 

Our generation has been tainted.

That's why I found these erotic novels ever so intriguing, as the authors display a virtuous form of true love and romance. It's keeping the beliefs of prior generations alive, giving me hope as there might still be a chance to reincarnate love and romance in all its' bountiful glory...Gabby, Kim & I believe this in its' entirety, and love the writings' meaning and sole purpose of delivering true love. Altering modern day's 'fucking' and 'hooking-up' into making love once more. It instills faith among us, granting us the immense opportunity of believing that out there, true love does still exist and it's valued as it so should...

"Tainted Love..."

I've never got to thinking about abusive relationships nor write about them in any regard. ~ I've decided upon expanding the horizon of "Sex And The Small Town". And, as it remains from day one I'm still optimistically determined to thrive in my quest of solving relationships. Although, I must admit, I've had my fair share of disappointing experiences with relationships. Which, I've relayed to you all on numerous occasions. The point of this blog is to truly conquer love, step-by-step. Absolutely, sometimes we slip and fall leaving a scar and it's quite challenging to accept them and to face them everyday while attempting to move on, romantically. But, I believe if you're truly motivated that you can learn from each of those scars, improve your character and be one step closer to finding the 'One'...However, I understand that while having a fresh 'scar', that's rather difficult to believe. I'm completely aware and understanding...I was there.

Now, I'm focusing on the point of this post. ~ Abusive relationships which leave scars, and tainted love...I think abusive relationships are flat out horrendous and unhealthy. And I always thought relationships were supposed to be constructed on secure foundation of commitment, faithfulness, loyalty, love, trust, etc...I don't understand the need for the abuse on any grounds whatsoever. If you're willing to physically harm your lover, than I think that relationship needs to end, immediately. The 'criminal' of these actions needs professional assistance and need not be in a relationship, until whichever deemed necessary repercussion by an authority figure is acted on, and they've received the assistance they desperately needed (Anger Management Classes, Incarceration, Therapy, etc.) And, the 'victim' must do what's best for themselves when in these predicaments. You don't deserve the abuse, no one does. And, I know if you're truly in love with the abuser, you might 'prefer' the abuse rather than leaving the relationship. But, here's the thing...If they're honestly comfortable with abusing their lover, they genuinely don't love nor care about you, providing you with no reason to stay in that relationship.

You're truly better than that and out there, is a person who will love you no matter what and would never try to harm you in any way. Abuse is inexcusable, it's never necessary, especially in relationships where both individuals are supposed to have a connection and lurks is the possibility of a promising future together. If abuse has become mainstream in your relationship, whether you're the 'criminal' or the 'victim' of these actions is irrelevant, the foundation of the relationship has been damaged and tainted and most of the time, irreconcilable. Currently, if you're suffering from emotional and/or physical abuse in your relationship, what're you going to do? Are you blinded by 'love' and simply won't do anything about it, allowing the continuation of abuse? Or will you come to terms with realizing that you do not deserve the abuse, removing yourself from that relationship, then being able to do what is needed for yourself? You and I both know what is the correct and proper choice. It's very imperative to know that in life, the welfare of yourself and family comes first. And it's unethical keeping yourself in a bad relationship or situation where abuse is mainstream...In matters of abuse relationships, do you have the confidence and the willpower to remove yourself from the hazardous situation?

"Wiser With Age?"

I'm overwhelmed lately with questioning, in its' most hazardous form entitled 'self-questioning'. Here's the one that's been driving me mad. "Do individuals over the years and with age, become more wise?". Is this another case of pop psychology falsehood, or does it hold truth? I've been observing certain individuals, certain social situations, etc. And, as a prime example of pop psychology falsehood, I'll be using Delaney here. She's been involved in numerous relationships since our break up, and has even cheated on her current boyfriend - Nami. It seems that with time she's become more outrageously stupid - and worse with her relationships. And I thought her relationship skills couldn't get any worse. It's certainly mind-boggling when trying to really understand her and her actions as well. I do believe that individuals can become wiser with age, I really do. But, only if they're open to learning new things. And, as I've observed she's not.

Once we reach a certain age and a certain number of relationships, we gotta get to wondering - What have we really learned? Has redundant devastating heartbreak taught us to close up and go back into our shells? The same shells it took so many years to come out of? Or has redundant devastation taught us to be stronger and better individuals, fully prepared for that future relationship which lasts for eternity? Perchance it depends on the individual or maybe that certain individuals willpower to romantically succeed? Maybe it's predestined or maybe it is not. Maybe, we shouldn't ask. Maybe, we shouldn't know. Maybe, time is what we need to rely on - because time tells all tales. ~ In the matter of love and affairs of the heart, wisdom's quite the tricky figure. I'm just wondering, do any of us have the capability of truly decoding the madness?

"Ventriloquistic Relationships?"

Ventriloquists...“The Puppet Masters” - But, those are mostly folksy tales. But, I got to intensive pondering regarding these ‘ventriloquists’ and relationships. Are the ‘Relationship Gods’ ventriloquists, themselves? Now, I would like you to follow me here. The ‘Relationship Gods’ are said to preserve you a eternal relationship which lasts till death does it part. So, you might be asking yourself, “What’s the point of failed relationships and heartbreak, if what you’re saying’s true?” And, I must say the ‘experience’. Some rule of ‘Cosmic Law’, must state you need heartache in order to be prepared for a relationship which lasts for a eternity. Obviously, preparations are inevitable and unavoidable. Which, I’m sure we’ve all seen and also experienced first hand. It’s all about, ‘experience’. Now, the ‘Relationship Gods’ as ‘ventriloquists’, are ‘pulling your strings’ theoretically. Perchance like your love life’s a Broadway play. And, the practices for these plays are all your failed relationships. But, once your ready to perform live you can then succeed, romantically that is.

Now I have a question. Are you willing to attend every single ‘practice’, in order to perform dashingly, hit the jackpot achieving love, then living the rest of your existence with your soul-mate, happily? That’s your choice. However, I would like offering advice... If you fear the ‘practices’ and their outcome, keep this in your mind - It’s not over. You haven’t found your soul-mate. Strings are still being pulled, and your yet to give and to live your ‘performance’. Never give up on love due to your failed relationships. ‘Practice Makes Perfection’. See, it all fits! I believe this. I really do. And, it gifts me hope to move onward because I’ve experienced my first ‘practice’ first hand. And, I’m working toward my ‘performance’.

"The Model's & The Mortal's."

H'mmm...I believe that it's time to admit now we live in a culture which promotes rather impossible standards of beauty. However, I've learned that most of us men believe it's possible. Which, I believe is the cause for most of us men to chase after model-types. Are our expectations of women just blatantly shallow? Or, has 'culture' blinded most men, to the extent where our expectations are acceptable?

Men who're 'Modelizers' are a rather particular breed of man. They're a step beyond 'Womanizers', who will sleep with just about anything in a skirt. Modelizers are obsessed, not with women, but with models, who in most places are safely confined to billboards and magazines. But, with women of Small-Town, narcissism and tramp-stamp's on the proverbial rise, actually freely roam the streets altering the Small-Town into some "Model Country Safari" where the men can pet the creatures in all their natural habitats.

What's with us (men) and superficiality? Perchance, it's time to stop expecting a 5'10 supermodel, with blonde hair and blue eyes with a rocking body to walk through the door. When some men proclaim that's what we 'need'...I couldn't help but wonder, what would that say about us in general? Obliging to such a shallow expectation for our entire lives could lead us to unspeakable places later on in life. Ending up alone is the scariest form of punishment in my opinion for such actions. Maybe, we can't help but desire perfection from the opposite sex, which I believe is understandable. However, it shouldn't be something expected. Right? Now, we are left to debate whether what we desire's achievable or not. And, debating what we should expect from women. As if we didn't have enough problems right?

"What Goes Around Comes Around?"

We begin with a story, one of those urban relationship myths. Woman [Erin] meets, Man [Erick]. Erin and Erik, partake in a first date, one of those exceptionally rare kind of dates, filled with unmistakable absolute perfection. Their second date alters into a romantic third, so on and so forth. Six "Passion-Filled-Months" transpire, and Erin and Erick begin to converse seriously of marriage. Then Erick to his dismay, unexpectedly, catches Erin in the bed, with his absolute best friend. "Hearts Break, Tears Fall, Relationships Unfortunately Cease To Exist". Perhaps, Erick may yearn for Erin's next boyfriend to be unfaithful to her, as a form of retribution.

Is there such thing as, "Relationship-Karma"? Will Erin, by some rule of "Cosmic Law", have her heart stomped on - and sooner rather than later? Or will she continue her bad-girlfriend idyll, attaining "Two-For-One-Deals", all over town, by tearing men and their friends to shreds? If the "Fates" were kind, would they not absolutely ensure, Erin, to be doomed to the exact same heartache?

Perhaps, have we been the victims, of "Relationship-Karma", ourselves? It often seems as though the shadows of one relationship follows you to the next. You may catch yourself comparing and contrasting, and their is always that period of adjustment at the beginning. Women all have their bad habits, but some have managed to take them to the next level. It's always amazing the variety that different women can bring to sloppiness and laziness [But, Us, Too Gentlemens'! As, We're Not In The Clear, That Darn' Easily!]. Have you ever felt almost haunted by the presence of a former lover?

Getting your heart broken isn't something that you can breeze through. It isn't the sort of thing that you can manage to get through all alone, either. It's when you've experienced a gut-wrenching break up that you need your buddies more than ever - so don't neglect one another, gentlemen, when the relationship is all sunshine and roses. Eventually, things might begin to stink, and you'll be glad of buddies then. After so many tears and so many break ups, you may start to look for reasons for why it all went wrong. Is it you...or is it, your "Relationship-Karma"?

The guilt of breaking someone else's heart can be every bit as bad. It will eat away at you, follow you around, remind you of it's presence in every hand-holding couple that you see. "Michael" cheated on a girlfriend once, and now is dead-positive that he will one day be cheated on by a girlfriend in return. He says it's completely inevitable. Must be that "Relationship-Karma"!

But relationships do fall apart, and women come and go. A single friend of mine said the other day, "I'm tired of them coming and going. I want one to come and stay." Well, don't we all. Willing it will not make it happen. Just like Erin and her cheating. If Erin's next boyfriend cheats on her, it's because they don't belong together. We might sit around and wonder why and pick it apart all day long and come up with nothing. Simply, you two do not belong together if one or the other cannot be faithful. Don't give me any junk about late nights and drunken parties - I don't want to hear it. Call it "Relationship Karma", call it the wrong woman, call it something to recover from - do whatever you want with it. When one woman leaves, another will be along at some point.

There's nothing karmatic about it. Men and women seek out each other's company, and eventually you will find one that just does it for you. Mostly, you'll get hurt. That is the risk of trying to fall madly in love. And let's be serious, doesn't everybody want to be madly in love?

The absolute only time that, "Relationship Karma", can really exist is when you cannot completely let go of a former relationship. Comparing your new girlfriend to your old one is usually a dangerous practice, and means that you're still thinking to much about that relationship. Even when your new girlfriend seems to outshine the old, just recognize that briefly and forget about it from then on. Old break ups have a way of rearing their ugly heads in our deepest thoughts. The "Why" and "When" and "How" and "For What Reasons" can drive you insane, until you're picking apart your new lover and your new relationship. It's good to analyze things, but all things in moderation.

Love is, after all, fifty percent blind faith. That means trust, and you have to learn how to give it even when your heart's been crushed into a thousand pieces. Give yourself some time, but learn how to trust again. Because you have to be open before you can be in love. Then "Ol' Relationship Karma", won't be quite the outstanding, issue...hopefully.

"Sex And The Small Town."

We don't always know what we want in a relationship. It really depends how that "first date" goes. Oh the infamous first date. You get that certain feeling that only occurs when you are on that first date kind of high. Then what happens at least seventy percent of the time ( I consider myself very generous using that percentage. ) you're terribly disappointed? From Cloud 9 down back onto the pavement, boom! It appears it's just one awful first date after another. We wonder where exactly it is we're going...What has happened to the excitement in dating? Has it now become more of a sport to find a person that you really have a solid connection with?

Many are in on the date for the typical one night stand. With false hope, we find ourselves caving in. Really expecting a phone call the next day, we're somehow shocked when the phone doesn't ring. We need to be sure our outlook on modern dating is as clear as possible, take what we know and venture into the dating world. Prepared for the ups and downs that it brings to the table. The dating world is humongous and riddled with players there solely to play there games. But if you can find the smaller group of individuals that are truly interested in a serious relationship, then you are one of the lucky ones. It's a jungle out there. Until we find 'the one', has and is dating just becoming a game?