"To Market, To Market."

If you happen to have a bad stock, you could lose your shirt. If you happen to have a bad date, you could lose your whole will to live. However, if the date is great, the stakes get even higher. After weathering down all the ups and downs, you could one day find yourself with nothing. So, when it comes down to finance and dating, I couldn't help but wonder ... Why do we continuously invest?

I think we'll invest ourselves and our time into a particular woman because we genuinely believe they are "The One" - "The One" who holds the key to our predestined "Happily Ever After". But if I've learned anything from the Titanic, it's that not every ending is necessarily happy. Sometimes it's controversial, disappointing and/or really upsetting. It seems that when things are smooth sailing and wonderful, it's only a matter of time before you go overboard. The only thing driving and motivating us to get back on board is our will to achieve love ... Achieve a love that won't leave you alone and shipwrecked.

If you can find the willpower within you to get back on the emotional Titanic, who's to say that next time you are not going to fall? There's no guarantee, and as most of us know from our personal experiences, that in life there is no safety net ... It seems that over the years thing have gone from being fun, to being scary. Anywho, once back on the boat, you'll meet a new girl with her own personalized array of issues, and think that you've learned a valuable lesson from your past relationship(s), so that this time the investment will somehow turnout differently, further contemplating the chances of her being "The One" as time progresses. Well, what're you to do in the event that her baggage goes and whacks you right across the face? You weren't anticipating that happening and you've found yourself going overboard again...

You thought that your past of sunken ships was long behind you - But there the problem reared it's ugly little head again. You're either wondering one of these two things ... "What's going on with the overpopulation of icebergs?" or more logically, "Why does all this keep happening to me - Was I a bad person in a past life now doomed to always end up devastated and heartbroken?" The past will likely start hitting you hard for awhile. You'll be left to consider your next move and whether or not you're stable enough to get yourself back on the boat - You'll be tired of the games people play as much as the next guy is. We spent our whole childhoods playing fun games. Were they simply the primers for the less-than-fun games we play as adults? Were relationships actually just this colossal chess match ... Strategy, moves, counter-moves all designed to keep your opponent off-balance until you ultimately emerge victorious? Is there such thing as an honest relationship, or is there just a hidden ring leader calling all the shots waiting for the weaker lover to fold under the pressure?

I'd like to welcome you to the age of un-innocence. Nobody has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at 7 A.M and affairs we attempt to forget as quick as we possibly can. Self protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has officially decided to go fly the co-op. If you can manage to find it deep within you to get back on the boat yet again, you're a trooper and don't have any regrets ... For those who truly want a love worthy of an eternity and are willing to fight for it, shall receive it. However, some people are too terrified of the boat to get back on it and others are simply unsure all together. So, what're you going to do - Drop out now and spare yourself of the future heartache, or keep believing and investing in love until you finally score it?

"Easy Come, Easy Go."

It's a common belief that us men use the right, more logical side of the brain and that women use the left, more emotional side. But is it really that cut and dry? It appears that when it comes to the affairs of the heart, there's a rough battle between what we know and what we feel. So, what do you do in a situation that leaps between the left and right side? When it comes to relationships, is it wiser to follow your head or your heart?

If our relationships are meant to be about our heart, where is there a place for our head? Relationships are more than just feeling and thinking, they are what we do. Building a relationship inevitably indicates exposing our heart - Which can be extremely risky, but you cannot win if you do not risk losing ... Go big or go home. I'm aware that building a relationship also means receiving with our heart. The most important and substantial way of doing this is by listening. We have to listen to those red flags that say this isn't going to work. Do not get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that you have "impossible" standards - But don't ignore those warning signs about a person because you're tired of being alone. I know that it's easier said than done ... But it will be well worth it if we stop spending much time with Ms. Almost and start the rest of our lives with Ms. Always and Forever.

We do need to think about finding love ... In the exact same way we think of our 401K. If you're not getting out of it what you put into it, you likely won't continue to waste your time. I'm not saying to think of love as a business, but more as an investment. By adopting the same approach that you have when you decide to buy a house, you spare yourself the disappointment and heartache of it not working out - You're not surprised when you have a leaky roof because you took the time to have it inspected ... If you're not getting what you need then get out now because it's only going to get worse.

So ... Head or heart? Both! Just be sure to get a return on your love investment because although love may be free itself, if it doesn't work out as originally expected, you lose something that money just can't buy - Time, and even a bit of your own heart.

"The Defining Moments."

In order to give definition to something complex as a romantic relationship, one must be able to compare it to something else. To one person, establishing that two people are "boyfriend and girlfriend" is the only way that you can define a relationship, while from another person's perspective, spending time with another person in a more intimate way than you would a friend is a relationship. Clearly, defining a relationship in this day and age, is not as easy as one would hope. A relationship can't simply be defined as a "strong connection between two people" or as "connecting with someone on a personal and a physical level" or more simply, "dedicating yourself to someone who you can have sex with". However, what ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship...

When a person does enter a new relationship, how are they to know whether what it is they have is "good" or not? From personal experience and observation, I have learned that when we try to determine a relationship's value, it always seems to come down to comparing it to the ones in the past. Of course you will think your first relationship is the best you have ever had, because it's the only one you've ever had. When you eventually move on, and find a new relationship, you will then finally be able to determine the actual "goodness" of the previous one(s). Does this new girl call as much as the last one(s) did? Does she enjoy exploring new and exotic places with you as much as the last? Does she remember special occasions like your birthday and Valentines Day like the last one(s)? Once we begin to start comparing these women, we can figure out are best and worst relationships and learn what to look for in the future ... However, once men get caught up in the process of comparing and evaluating, can we and will we ever really stop doing so?

It is a well known fact that every woman brings something different "to the table". One relationship may have been filled with passion but anger, while another was filled with happiness but predictability. Wouldn't it be a miracle if we could take the passion from the first relationship and the happiness from the second and form a new, even better relationship? Obviously, we're unable to do that (But with the scientific engineering of our time, at some point we may be able to, but let's leave that for a different day). If we can't build our own "perfect woman", and we can't change the demeanor of the women in our lives, why would we start comparing - What purpose does this process serve other than reminding us of what we'll never have?

The only way to define a current relationship is to compare it to the ones of the past, but when a man can't stop comparing will he ever be able to appreciate what he currently has?

"The Big Time."

I couldn't help but think about the role time plays in relationships. I'm going to use the most obvious example, in saying "I love you" to your partner. How much of a difference would it make if instead of today, you said such a thing yesterday or any day other than today? I'd say the same question applies for sex as well. It appears that everyone fears that the timing of something will either make or break the relationship they are in.

Individuals in relationships are sometimes trying to perfectly plan out their romance ... Constructing and deriving what one would call a relationship itinerary. Are relationships really nothing but a travel document? Is there a hidden list of 'where-and-whens' you must follow in order to ultimately get to a place where you're happy and satisfied in your relationship? Whatever happened to the idea of going with the flow? When you're worried about tomorrow and what's going to happen, you're making it utterly impossible for yourself to enjoy the present moment. In the matters of saying "I love you" to your special someone and having sex, is there such thing as the perfect timing? I think of it as solely a matter of what feels right. That's the misconception ... Individuals waste so much effort in finding the time something 'should' happen, as opposed to adhering to and listening to what's in their heart - Because believe it or not, there's no timing out there more perfect than what just feels right...

But who knows ... Suddenly, it can feel as if though timing is everything in your life and your relationship. All of the right things, said and done at all the wrong times. Your past, all coming back to you way too fast - Your future, taking way too long to come back home. I couldn't help but wonder ... Is timing everything?

"The Fuck Buddy."

We've all got a pattern ... What is yours? We walk around, reminding ourselves to be cautious the next time we meet a girl. You think you have learned a valuable lesson from your earlier relationships and things will be different this time around - But mysteriously enough, you wind up ultimately making the same mistakes you said you wouldn't, breaking the promise to yourself of not getting hurt this time around. It appears as if though we are doomed to meeting these girls who are either not completely over their ex-boyfriends or they simply don't know what they feel for us or what it is that they want. Needless to say, it's always a confusing disappointment of the heart. 

I couldn't help but wonder ... Are we all simply victims to unconditioned responses - Doomed to repeat the same unconscious relationship patterns? Are we all ultimately dating the same person over and over again if you really get to thinking about it? If this is the case, should we really try to break these patterns, and simply date a girl who isn't really our type ... Or will that wind up being an even bigger disappointment?

"Change Of A Suit."

I couldn't help but wonder ... Maybe we're simply programmed to carry on the human race, lulled into the "I really want a baby" by what's expected of us and the threat of the ticking clock. In the matters of marriage, I'm simply unsure ... I think the essence of marriage has changed so much. I think that these days people get married because they believe to love one another, but know that with a prenuptial agreement implemented, it's a financial safeguard if they were to split up in the long run (I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket, unless I'm sure I'll be alright if the basket were to break.) Anywho, explore and spill your mind - Have we socially constructed these concepts as "normal"?

Is it truly that cut and dry that everybody wants to ultimately end up as happily married parents? Is being a PTA mommy or daddy the unanimous desire? Or, is it simply what is to be expected of us, which therefore leads us to ultimately become one? If everyone's expected to ultimately lead the same home life, then there's really no individuality. There's nothing wrong in leading a life such as this, but looking underneath the surface, is it really what works for everyone and is it the life everyone truly wants?

Perhaps, settling down and having children isn't everyone's cup of tea ... That particular lifestyle may not be as fulfilling for one as it is for another, leaving it to not be the best thing for them. If you never get married, you'll never have to face a bitter and terrible divorce - That's a completely understandable way of thinking in my opinion. A lifelong relationship without marriage may seem completely appropriate and fabulous for and to them. Although it's mutually considered true, you do not necessarily have to tie the knot to live happily - It's solely a matter of choice and personal belief/preference. However, the belief and idea of settling down and having babies as "normal" has been passed down from generation to generation, inevitably making it just another concept of life we see ourselves following in the end.

...Which leads me to wonder - Do we in actuality really want these things (children and marriage), or are we simply programmed?

"The Turtle And The Hare."

Depending on what it is you're searching for, dating in the Small Town can make you feel like a kid in a candy store or a parched wanderer in a desert coming across nothing but mirages. Even if you're not the total jackass that can be found practically anywhere and everywhere, the seemingly infinite choices render most people paralyzed and incapable of making a firm decision...

Inevitably, when you're positive there's something better out there, you can't help but try to find it. You begin to see yourself falling prey to the tyranny of choice - The idea of that people, when they are faced with too many options, find it that much harder to ultimately make a selection. If you are attempting to choose a girlfriend, out of a flock of thousands of them, you may end up selecting none of them. Or, you see someone until someone better comes along. The term for this would be "trading up" ... It can lead you to believe your opportunities are infinite, and therefore to question what you already have.

However, on the total opposite end of the spectrum, there are those who're completely tired of the seeming futility of it all and who just want to get off the damn dating carousel already. If you really are eager, to say nothing of desperate for a long-term partner, you may have to contend with something else - The tyranny of unwitting compromise ... The people who are looking may not be the people that you are looking for. Some people are too picky, and others aren't picky enough. Some hitters are swinging at every first pitch, and others strike out looking.

Once you've spent quite some time in the dating loop, it becomes tricky not to fall prey to either of the two - As I constantly encounter/witness men and women who appear to be perpetually looking over their date's shoulder, just in case somebody better walks past the first course of theirs. What people fail to realize is that the only reason they should be with somebody is if you're crazy about each other. If one of you is still looking over the other one's shoulder, or if the only thing that binds you is the fear of missing the boat, that is simply not enough.

I couldn't help but wonder ... In the Small Town of such great expectations, is it time to settle for what you can get?

"Undisclosed Desires."

Sex ... I couldn't help but recognize how individuals have various beliefs on the particular subject matter. In lieu of religious circumstances, some individuals may carry a very biased outlook on it in general. However, I'm here solely to shed a little light on this specific topic...

I'm fully aware of how some embrace their religious values - Not having sex until after they are married. Also, I'm sure plenty nonreligious folk believe in this as well. I'd first like to say how I have absolutely no problem with those who feel/think this way. However, there are those who deem sex as 'unnecessary' and 'wrong' all together. That's what influenced me to write this post. There's nothing wrong with sex by any means ... There's especially nothing wrong with making love to the person that you're in love with. Sex is the ultimate form of exchanging love after all. I couldn't help but wonder ... Must you first exchange vows before exchanging love? It's common knowledge and sense that sex is highly important to relationships, especially these days. What's a relationship without that intense physical chemistry and connection, riddled with passion? Where at any given moment, you feel as if though you have to have that person right then and there? If you've never felt that in your relationship, you should reevaluate the situation. If there's zero physical allure, then that's not a relationship ... It's a friendship. However, I'm not attempting to disregard the mental connection - As that too is a very important aspect in relationships. You simply cannot be with somebody who is incapable of holding an intellectual conversation or serious discussion when it's necessary.

The absence of having sex in a relationship can be extremely fatal. There are numerous detrimental outcomes that can easily arise in a relationship due to it. I'd say the outstanding issue would have to be cheating and unfaithfulness. Individuals inevitably have sex drives' (Some more persistent than others), and if in the relationship the absence of sex is too prolonged for someones needs, they very will may turn to outside resources for pleasure. Even to the dismay of the other individual, that outside resource may unfortunately be another person. If you're the person whose cheated on your partner for the intimate gratification you've been deprived of for however long, what are you to do in this predicament? Carry the guilt of unfaithfulness on your shoulders not telling your partner? Or coming clean to them taking the likely risk of splitting up in the end of the disaster?

Here's a solution for you : Refrain from cheating ... If your needs are unmet to the point you start contemplating cheating, it's imperative you have a serious discussion with your partner about it. Avoid the confusion and heartbreak by talking these things out. If your partner is still persistent in avoiding sex and won't budge for whatever reason(s), something has to be done. Splitting up may be the course of action that's best for the both of you. They can continue on with their conquest of trying to find an individual capable of abiding to their certain beliefs that they value so greatly, leaving you to explore yourself and the world once again, having all of the mind-blowing sex that you desire, eventually finding that one individual who does it for you that you can stay with for an eternity.

Don't feel bad for breaking it off with somebody because of the absence of sex ... Great sex is highly important to having a successful relationship, it's a completely natural act, it's totally fabulous and will never go out of style. The moral of the story is it's always easy finding an outlet for your computer, but it's a completely different ballgame when in regards to your desires and your frustration. Relationships, no matter how good are inevitably a series of compromises. But I'm just wondering as to how much of us we should be willing to sacrifice for the other person before we stop being ourselves. Don't walk that fine line, second-guessing who you are and changing yourself for somebody - It's simply not worth it, especially when you could be out and finding that one individual you're completely free to be yourself with.