"Take Me Out To The Ball-Game."

I've been deeply thinking about my last relationship, since rereading my latest posts. I couldn't help but get to rehashing the devastation following the break-up. First, I intensely wondered if it would be a good investment to institute a helmet law for modern relationships ... Then, I succumbed to practicality when wondering if their should be break-up guidelines and rules, each individual should incorporate to cope with the fiasco of experiencing a bad break-up and to lessen the blow...

Here's a tidbit of advice : Always reserve a small spot for your ex somewhere in the back of your mind, because the moment you stop thinking about them all together, they'll appear in some way. Inevitably you'll be reminded of your past relationships when doing certain things or when you're visiting certain places. However, by keeping them somewhere in the back of your mind, those reminders of the memories will not be nearly as startling because you have not yet completely forgotten about them. I consider that to be a very crucial after break-up guideline. However, I'm still fully aware that some individuals will choose to attempt and completely forget about a past relationship all together. As tempting as it seems, it's definitely no small task. I know you may never want to be reminded of less than stellar past experiences, but it's inevitable. Believe me as I have been there before ... All you'll accomplish in attempting not to face your demons nor learning to accept things, is receiving reminders of them even more brutal.

I think I'd say that my second after break-up rule would have to be destroy all pictures where she looks sexy and you look happy. Destroy any avoidable bad memories. Even a super oblique glance at those photographs will bring you back to a simpler time when everything in your love life was going great. Those good memories instantly alter into bad ones, once you begin to fixate on and nitpick the past and what exactly went wrong in that relationship. Therefore I see destroying pictures as very important.

I'm super positive that my third after break-up guideline would have to be your friends. Allow me to further explain ... You'll never get through any of these rather rough experiences, no matter who it was that hurt you, without the comfort and support of your really close friends. Never lose sight of them when the relationship's all sunshine and roses because sometimes things unfortunately take a turn for the worse. When things do take the proverbial turn for the worse, that's when you will need your close friends the most.

Of course everybody is different in the way that they handle situations, and there's no existing manual that relates flawlessly written detailed information on how to 'properly' cope with an awful break-up. The best that we can do is huddle together and share experiences, taking portions from one anothers' what we will, concocting guidelines and deriving our own individual manual on what works best for us when dealing with a bad break-up. These manuals will be tweaked as time goes on and things change, eventually leaving us with our personalized 'How-To-Guide' of getting over a gut-wrenching break-up.

"Pressing Send."

People say that everything happens for a reason. These people are usually men - And these men are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that women can get out of a relationship without even a simple goodbye (So I've Experienced), but us men apparently have to get married or learn something from the whole ordeal. Why are we always in such a gold rush to get from confused to Confucius? Do we search for 'lessons' that can lessen the pain?

I'm writing this solely because I found myself doing this after my confusing break-up ... She had her friend break-up with me over a text message. Which inevitably got me thinking as to whether or not she ever really cared about me throughout our seven month journey together. If a commitment has come to its end, it should be concluded in a fashion which honors what you shared. Luckily, I had some close friends who comforted and supported me through all of this in my time of need and searching of answers.

I spent weeks making excuses and concocting theories, all in efforts of lessening the pain and finding closure. Until it had dawned upon me ... Sometimes there are no excuses or admissible reasoning for the poor decision making and judgement of other people. Eventually, I had come to the realization that she's just the common coward, whose priorities are fucked up and needs help. Once I faced my demons and recognized that it wasn't my fault in any way, I was finally free to be me again.

If you're currently in the midst of overcoming a bad break-up with someone you really cared about, but their emotional instabilities got the best of the relationship, see it in this perspective ... Individuals spend too much time finding others they can blame for something, too much energy seeking excuses that can explain the lack of others being what they're capable of being, and not enough energy in putting themselves back up on the line, outgrowing the past, and furthermore getting on with their lives again.

"The Haunting Season."

Could you get to a future when your past is your present? I've been pondering this for quite some time. See, I was in this relationship for seven months, with a girl that I actually really liked. I had really thought that there was something promising there. But, in the end it winded up being A.D.D, another dating disaster...

I have reason to suspect she's a lesbian, who may or may not know it yet ... She's over-compensating for something. Isn't there always that time allotted for adjustment after a break-up? Well, ours certainly didn't appear to phase her in the least. Within a matter of days, she had a recycled boyfriend on her arm. This was not just a one time thing, it's a distinctive pattern in her love life. There's absolutely no break-up adjustment period allotted into her life, her focus is simply finding a new guy, over and over. In these three years of living in the Small Town, she has only been single for six months, tops.

I have observed that once relationships begin to start requiring equal effort on both ends, and it's not as fresh and smooth sailing like the beginning was, she bails at the drop of a dime. Apparently, she feels as if she deserves this idealistic fairy tale love finish which would require no work on her end, while the man pampers her. Maybe her downfalls in relationships stem from the less than stellar marriage her parents had, and she is not yet over that yet. However, if that is the case her solution isn't another relationship, it's a therapist. Here's the issue with her and her yearning for a fairy tale ... She seems to never let a good relationship flow and blossom into what it's meant to be. It's like her love life is a contradiction, she won't remain in a relationship if things are going in the direction she wants. Which I believe stems from her unresolved issues with her parents divorcing. She knows what she wants, regardless of the superficial expectations. However, something in the back of her mind must keep continuously telling her throughout each relationship, that if something appears good to dismiss it because it can only end up bad like her parents.

There are many factors to take into account. I'll never be too sure what her problems with commitment stem from, the possibilities are seemingly endless. Regardless, she's a dangerous individual to get attached to. She'll end up hurting you, as I've witnessed time and time again and have even experienced myself. Now that I've summarized the relationship I had with her and other details, I'm now capable of getting to the point of this blog post. I really feel as if though this past relationship haunts me from time to time. I truly cared about her, and what I find baffles me the most, is the way in which she disregarded me. She had the audacity of having one of her friends break up with me over a text message. When a relationship unfortunately dies, can we ever give up the ghost? Or are we to be forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past and what could have been? The answer is likely yes. Inevitably you'll be reminded of past relationships throughout your life, when you're doing certain things or you're visiting certain places.

You'll never be able to alter your past. Through time and with the comfort and support of your close friends, you'll learn to accept things. Never lose sight of your close friends through these times, this will be when you are in need of them the most. Also, be the kind of friend that someone can turn to in their time of need. These things happen, and you'll see that the past has only made you a stronger person who's ready for future relationships. Never let your past be something that negatively tampers with your future. Once you've faced your demons, say hello to the new and improved you. And when the past calls, send it straight into voicemail, because it has absolutely nothing new to say...

"Belles...Of The Balls."

I couldn't help but get to thinking about my friends - Body image depression, unpredictable mood swings, those late night calls obsessing about a relationship ... Did I mention that these are predominately my male friends? So, maybe men and women aren't from different planets as pop culture would have us believe. Perhaps in actuality we live a lot closer to one another than one might think, dare I even say it, in the same zip code? In view of current circumstances and which I've prior stated, I couldn't help but wonder ... Are we men really just women with balls?

If you thoroughly consider it, it's not like we emotionally differ nowadays as opposed to the past. We're all simply throttling up on power in the bedroom, as these day you're prone to accumulating a lengthy list of sexual partners due to all the game players and emotionally unavailable individuals who roam freely among us. It's really not far fetched to proclaim that the few who still believe in true love are beginning to lose hope in the whole idea.

Maybe, it's even less far fetched in proclaiming the improbability of believing in true love nowadays, given the cynical world we live in now. Perhaps, it's exactly what's making women fashion the negative male stereotype in the matters of commitment. But if men and women are indeed becoming one in the same in a world where it is said that opposites attract, and never equivalents, what precisely does that imply for the future?

"The Emotional Pride Jazzy Riders."

I truly think relationships are the emotional Olympics. There are men entering relationships with these women who're perfect on paper. They've got themselves great jobs, they're free-spirited and uninhibited, excelling in a mans world. You truly think that there's something promising there. However, after a few months pass, what's a man to do in the event that he discovers all of her emotional disabilities and shortcomings?

It's never a subtle discovery. Metaphorically, you open up her closet one random day, to then have all of her emotional baggage piled on from her subsequent relationships with men topple over upon you. Crutches, walkers, wheelchairs and all else which lies between out in the clear daylight. You're simply left to question how yet again you ended up underneath an emotional hoveround. After a bit more time you'll begin seeing things change.

You'll rapidly begin to see your partner change. The picture-perfect relationship you had envisioned at the beginning will slowly begin to fade - True colors beginning to show. You've either ended up with the compulsive liar from hell or even a bi-polar bag lady in the making. The possibilities are just endless. That my friend is A.D.D, another dating disaster. These types of realizations are scary and even downright startling. You've finally found a gal with whom you believed you had this solid connection with, in the end to discover she's this emotionally impaired reject? That's the thing with the dating world now, you can never know what and who is just around the corner...
You're dating roadkill, swept right underneath yet another emotional pride jazzy. In a world where emotional paraplegics are everywhere, has it become in style nowadays to be emotionally unattainable?

"The Modern Melee."

I couldn't help but get to thinking about technological advances and their affect on relationships. Individuals are spending a lessened amount of time with their partners because of newfangled leisures in communication nowadays. Partners are conversing via messengers and video chats because they can in such a modernized world like this. Although technology is undeniably useful, and maybe it lessens confrontations in relationships these days because you're not face to face in the experience, but it's a tricky figure. Because without sharing your worlds, even the hottest of relationships can stop cold.

It's now the normality to start a relationship or even to end one via technology. Proclaim me as old fashioned, but I simply don't deem that as acceptable. I believe that a commitment should be honored, and by using this technology to predominately control your relationships is nothing short of a mockery of love. I believe that like the good 'ol days, relationships should be handled appropriately with honor and a sense of security, keeping that unmistakable spark intact. Remember the spark?

I don't understand how anyone could figure a text message being an authentically romantic way to initiate a new relationship. I'm lost in trying to locate the meaningfulness within that in that type of approach. That's just modernized cliche if you were to ask me my opinion regarding the matter. I suggest a memorable approach, something that lays meaningful groundwork for the relationship, both individuals could never forget. I refuse to settle for anything less than a beginning that would truly mean something.

Here's another thing that truly bothers me within modernized concepts of relationships : Individuals who break up with someone over a phone call or even a text message. I consider that highly disrespectful to your partner. It's alright if you would like to call it off with someone, but I think you should do it in a manner which will honor the commitment you once had with them. Attempting to avoid that uncomfortable break-up conversation because you don't want to be the proverbial bad guy is actually what makes you the said proverbial bad guy. Would you want someone you've had a passionate love with to completely disregard you in such a crude fashion though?

How are you going to manage all your future relationships? Will you attempt to keep the romance alive in person? Or will you tend to those relationships behind a screen? I think you and I both know the proper selection and it's now up to you to make it happen. I adore technology, but all things in moderation. I don't think we should tamper with great relationships by abusing the usage of devices. Everything has its' proper purpose, but I find it better to leave excessive technological usage outta relationships, they don't mesh when abused. Dignify your coupleship by maintaining it together in the flesh...

I couldn't help but wonder, has modernization influenced relationship doomsday?