"Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl…"

Relationships have become so scarce in this day and age ... I'm literally waiting for rations designated for those who actually still believe in romance and the concept of true love. Instead, we're thriving off of "hooking up" and one night stands. Furthermore, it's not only just that - It's he bop, she bop and we bop. In simpler terms, we'll hop into bed with anyone and everyone these days. There's no exploring and searching for your sexuality and whatever suits you as a person in this day and age ... Becoming pan-sexual is paramount.

We're living in "Alice And Confused Sexuality Land" - Hello, I'm Alice and I'm confused for different reasons. I don't understand why we are doing this. Have we become so jaded to the point where we can't determine if we prefer cock or pussy? (I guess God made sperm banks and surrogates for too, more impractical and unobvious reasons.) Anywho, I'm unsure of what this means for the relationships of the future, provided there even are any ... Should this trend dictate that this is a new beginning for normal - Or, are we quite simply evolving into something scary?

 

I couldn't help but wonder ... Was our generation onto something? Was sexual flipping and flopping the wave of the future? If it is, could I play such a game or am I over the hill? If men can so easily transform into women, and women easily into men, then perhaps the whole concept of gender no longer exists. If we can take the best of the other sex and turn it into something of our own, has and is the opposite sex becoming obsolete?

"No Ifs, Ands Or Butts."

Relationships can be a whole hell of a lot of work nowadays. Sometimes, you simply want to pack it in and call it a day, but you're completely incapable of locating an adequate basis for doing so. It may not be totally sparking a flame you desire, however, you've found yourself a seemingly wonderful gal and you want to avoid the unpleasant feelings of guilt when splitting up with her over superficial or self-centered and irrational reasons. In these situations, you're stuck at a crossroads. You can't decide whether it's best you live "Unhappily Ever After" or to swallow your guilt and call it off, for whatever reasons you deem shallow and pedantic. If you're in this situation or find yourself in it at some point in time in the future, there's only one healthy solution ... If your heart is not in the relationship due to the circumstances you're faced with, absolve yourself from the relationship before someone seriously gets hurt, because when both hearts aren't in it to win it nothing good will ever come of it in the end. Regardless of guilt, it'll be well worth it. You can continue the search for "The One", "The One" who leaves no doubt in your mind that they are right for you, while the other is free to go do the same in finding someone who unquestionably returns all of the love they receive.

 

However, sometimes you will get the proverbial "Get Out Of Jail" free card. There are those occasions when you're completely justified in letting it go at the drop of a dime. There are particular one-off things that women can do to give you an immediate, guilt-free and iron-clad easy way out. Call it a free pass, call it rationalization, call it whatever it is you deem fit, this deal breaker ensures you can walk away with a clear conscience. There's no emotional electric chair for absolving yourself from something so obvious in its unacceptability.

 

After thoroughly reconsidering all this, I couldn't help but wonder ... Since when did dating become so dote friendly? Whatever happened to the times where a really bad kiss, cigarettes, or even a ridiculous dream were only part of a person's portfolio? In today's volatile dating market, is it wise to liquidate certain stocks after the first sign they might not perform as well as originally expected? Or, are there things one should try and negotiate? In the matters of relationships, what are the "deal breakers"?

"Laissez Faire."

Back when we were young, Marlo Thomas sang to us about accepting each other and our differences. However, as we begin to age, we start to sing a completely different tune. We cease to celebrate each other's life choices, and instead begin qualifying them. Is 'acceptance' really such a childish concept, or did we have it right all along? When exactly did we stop being free to be you and me?

Maybe it is just me, but I feel as if there are very few people left in the world who're confident in who they are. It's as if everyone's insecurities have completely gotten the best of them and we're all trying to fill some ideal mold that is not even achievable or real. Numerous individuals find themselves condemned for acting or looking a certain way, but if it works for that particular individual, who are we to judge?

Perhaps, it starts in high school, and not a lot of individuals grow out of it. Individuals have their idea of how individuals ought to want to look ... They're still unsure of where they got that idea from, but "everyone" else has that idea so it must carry some weight. Anyone who attempts to individualize and march to the beat of their own drum is, in their opinion, sabotaging the game for everyone else who's involved. There's definitely a degree of comfort in conformity, in knowing that you're not rocking the boat. To most individuals being "normal" is perfectly fine.

I think something as drastic as plastic surgery stems from they way we're becoming increasingly more judgemental on individual's appearances. 'The Daily Mail' online is the second most popular news website in the whole world, and it's almost entirely made up of articles bitching about the small imperfections of celebrities. Looking "perfect" is seen as much of a status symbol as is the size of the house you live in, the car that you drive or the logos on all your materials, in their opinion.

Personally, I try to ignore that aspect of society as much as possible. I've tried in the past to get answers out of individuals as to why they conform so much, but it has become apparent that nobody actually knows why. We're all expected to act as if we really know, and further we're expected not to question it, but nobody will ever be able to give you a straight answer.
When it all really started, I'm still unsure ... But, in this day and age we're all forced to be the same, the way in which society and other companies want us to be. We get brainwashed to think a certain way, buy certain things and to have certain values which unfortunately, aren't very natural. However, the companies want to sell ... That's why the media convinces us to believe in these fake values, so that we will continuously buy and conform.

"The Catch."

When you're young, your whole life's about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious - You can easily break a bone or even a heart. You always look twice before you actually leap, and sometimes you'll find yourself not leaping at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there is no safety net as I've said. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

When you're young, everything's so simple. It's a flurry of fun, friends and completely fresh experiences. Judgement isn't placed upon you for being single ... As a matter of fact, the single life is embraced, and more brows are raised to actually being in a serious relationship. You're suspected to have meaningless, yet fun flings, while finding yourself and exploring all of the infinite opportunities and possibilities that life has to offer you. Being single meant that you are pretty sexy and that you are holding out until the right person for you came along - You are confident, independent and mysterious, uninhibitedly writing your own tale.

Then, you grow up and everything you once knew becomes so terribly complex. It's a flurry of confusion, criticism and experiences you wish to forget as soon as humanly possible. Judgement is placed upon you for being single ... The once embraced single life has now become frowned upon. You're suspected to have yourself a steady job, along with a happy marriage and adorable kid(s), yourself already found with the opportunities and possibilities life offers thoroughly explored. Being single now meant that you are pretty undesirable and that somewhere, you took a wrong turn and things went terribly wrong - You are unconfident, lost and the publishers apparently didn't like what you presented them with, metaphorically of course.
Throughout the course of time in your life things change so much. You'll see that some individuals made their dreams their reality, while others wound up living a horror story - All of their dreams dashed and illusions shattered. It's not fate, it's dumb luck ... So, I couldn't help but wonder; If you've found yourself lost in the shuffle of life, is there any way to undo chronological incorrectness, or does the highway to hell come with no U-Turns?

"To Market, To Market."

If you happen to have a bad stock, you could lose your shirt. If you happen to have a bad date, you could lose your whole will to live. However, if the date is great, the stakes get even higher. After weathering down all the ups and downs, you could one day find yourself with nothing. So, when it comes down to finance and dating, I couldn't help but wonder ... Why do we continuously invest?

I think we'll invest ourselves and our time into a particular woman because we genuinely believe they are "The One" - "The One" who holds the key to our predestined "Happily Ever After". But if I've learned anything from the Titanic, it's that not every ending is necessarily happy. Sometimes it's controversial, disappointing and/or really upsetting. It seems that when things are smooth sailing and wonderful, it's only a matter of time before you go overboard. The only thing driving and motivating us to get back on board is our will to achieve love ... Achieve a love that won't leave you alone and shipwrecked.

If you can find the willpower within you to get back on the emotional Titanic, who's to say that next time you are not going to fall? There's no guarantee, and as most of us know from our personal experiences, that in life there is no safety net ... It seems that over the years thing have gone from being fun, to being scary. Anywho, once back on the boat, you'll meet a new girl with her own personalized array of issues, and think that you've learned a valuable lesson from your past relationship(s), so that this time the investment will somehow turnout differently, further contemplating the chances of her being "The One" as time progresses. Well, what're you to do in the event that her baggage goes and whacks you right across the face? You weren't anticipating that happening and you've found yourself going overboard again...

You thought that your past of sunken ships was long behind you - But there the problem reared it's ugly little head again. You're either wondering one of these two things ... "What's going on with the overpopulation of icebergs?" or more logically, "Why does all this keep happening to me - Was I a bad person in a past life now doomed to always end up devastated and heartbroken?" The past will likely start hitting you hard for awhile. You'll be left to consider your next move and whether or not you're stable enough to get yourself back on the boat - You'll be tired of the games people play as much as the next guy is. We spent our whole childhoods playing fun games. Were they simply the primers for the less-than-fun games we play as adults? Were relationships actually just this colossal chess match ... Strategy, moves, counter-moves all designed to keep your opponent off-balance until you ultimately emerge victorious? Is there such thing as an honest relationship, or is there just a hidden ring leader calling all the shots waiting for the weaker lover to fold under the pressure?

I'd like to welcome you to the age of un-innocence. Nobody has breakfast at Tiffany's and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at 7 A.M and affairs we attempt to forget as quick as we possibly can. Self protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has officially decided to go fly the co-op. If you can manage to find it deep within you to get back on the boat yet again, you're a trooper and don't have any regrets ... For those who truly want a love worthy of an eternity and are willing to fight for it, shall receive it. However, some people are too terrified of the boat to get back on it and others are simply unsure all together. So, what're you going to do - Drop out now and spare yourself of the future heartache, or keep believing and investing in love until you finally score it?

"Easy Come, Easy Go."

It's a common belief that us men use the right, more logical side of the brain and that women use the left, more emotional side. But is it really that cut and dry? It appears that when it comes to the affairs of the heart, there's a rough battle between what we know and what we feel. So, what do you do in a situation that leaps between the left and right side? When it comes to relationships, is it wiser to follow your head or your heart?

If our relationships are meant to be about our heart, where is there a place for our head? Relationships are more than just feeling and thinking, they are what we do. Building a relationship inevitably indicates exposing our heart - Which can be extremely risky, but you cannot win if you do not risk losing ... Go big or go home. I'm aware that building a relationship also means receiving with our heart. The most important and substantial way of doing this is by listening. We have to listen to those red flags that say this isn't going to work. Do not get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that you have "impossible" standards - But don't ignore those warning signs about a person because you're tired of being alone. I know that it's easier said than done ... But it will be well worth it if we stop spending much time with Ms. Almost and start the rest of our lives with Ms. Always and Forever.

We do need to think about finding love ... In the exact same way we think of our 401K. If you're not getting out of it what you put into it, you likely won't continue to waste your time. I'm not saying to think of love as a business, but more as an investment. By adopting the same approach that you have when you decide to buy a house, you spare yourself the disappointment and heartache of it not working out - You're not surprised when you have a leaky roof because you took the time to have it inspected ... If you're not getting what you need then get out now because it's only going to get worse.

So ... Head or heart? Both! Just be sure to get a return on your love investment because although love may be free itself, if it doesn't work out as originally expected, you lose something that money just can't buy - Time, and even a bit of your own heart.

"The Defining Moments."

In order to give definition to something complex as a romantic relationship, one must be able to compare it to something else. To one person, establishing that two people are "boyfriend and girlfriend" is the only way that you can define a relationship, while from another person's perspective, spending time with another person in a more intimate way than you would a friend is a relationship. Clearly, defining a relationship in this day and age, is not as easy as one would hope. A relationship can't simply be defined as a "strong connection between two people" or as "connecting with someone on a personal and a physical level" or more simply, "dedicating yourself to someone who you can have sex with". However, what ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship...

When a person does enter a new relationship, how are they to know whether what it is they have is "good" or not? From personal experience and observation, I have learned that when we try to determine a relationship's value, it always seems to come down to comparing it to the ones in the past. Of course you will think your first relationship is the best you have ever had, because it's the only one you've ever had. When you eventually move on, and find a new relationship, you will then finally be able to determine the actual "goodness" of the previous one(s). Does this new girl call as much as the last one(s) did? Does she enjoy exploring new and exotic places with you as much as the last? Does she remember special occasions like your birthday and Valentines Day like the last one(s)? Once we begin to start comparing these women, we can figure out are best and worst relationships and learn what to look for in the future ... However, once men get caught up in the process of comparing and evaluating, can we and will we ever really stop doing so?

It is a well known fact that every woman brings something different "to the table". One relationship may have been filled with passion but anger, while another was filled with happiness but predictability. Wouldn't it be a miracle if we could take the passion from the first relationship and the happiness from the second and form a new, even better relationship? Obviously, we're unable to do that (But with the scientific engineering of our time, at some point we may be able to, but let's leave that for a different day). If we can't build our own "perfect woman", and we can't change the demeanor of the women in our lives, why would we start comparing - What purpose does this process serve other than reminding us of what we'll never have?

The only way to define a current relationship is to compare it to the ones of the past, but when a man can't stop comparing will he ever be able to appreciate what he currently has?

"The Big Time."

I couldn't help but think about the role time plays in relationships. I'm going to use the most obvious example, in saying "I love you" to your partner. How much of a difference would it make if instead of today, you said such a thing yesterday or any day other than today? I'd say the same question applies for sex as well. It appears that everyone fears that the timing of something will either make or break the relationship they are in.

Individuals in relationships are sometimes trying to perfectly plan out their romance ... Constructing and deriving what one would call a relationship itinerary. Are relationships really nothing but a travel document? Is there a hidden list of 'where-and-whens' you must follow in order to ultimately get to a place where you're happy and satisfied in your relationship? Whatever happened to the idea of going with the flow? When you're worried about tomorrow and what's going to happen, you're making it utterly impossible for yourself to enjoy the present moment. In the matters of saying "I love you" to your special someone and having sex, is there such thing as the perfect timing? I think of it as solely a matter of what feels right. That's the misconception ... Individuals waste so much effort in finding the time something 'should' happen, as opposed to adhering to and listening to what's in their heart - Because believe it or not, there's no timing out there more perfect than what just feels right...

But who knows ... Suddenly, it can feel as if though timing is everything in your life and your relationship. All of the right things, said and done at all the wrong times. Your past, all coming back to you way too fast - Your future, taking way too long to come back home. I couldn't help but wonder ... Is timing everything?