"Laissez Faire : Part Deux"

There comes a point within this thing we call life, where you must rid yourself from pointless drama, and too all those peeps who start it. Surrounding yourself with those who make you laugh, where you begin to forget about the bad, and focus solely on all of the great. After all, life's too short to be anything but happy.

 

"Laissez Faire" was about conforming, losing any and all individuality...

...The vindication for "Part Deux" is my friend, Kim. She's recently an out-of-the-closet conformist. Thus changing her whole repertoire, although she prefers using "reinventing" as the term of choice. Kim's (was?) my best friend cause we're (were) one in the same. Her wicked sense of humor, quite shocking sense of realism and one-of-a-kind intelligence/personality, made her the greatest friend. But, all the winds of change have rearranged everything once known and personally loved about her. Now, Kim's a pseudo intellectual nightmare - Your average everyday, "Let There Be Light" because everything's wonderful bitch. Which, isn't what I bargained for, for the past eight years...

...She "marvels" how I could come to such a conclusion, as "I haven't been actively in her life the last few months" (Ongoing personal issues explain why I haven't been, it's not choice) ... Meanwhile, she lives three blocks away and I never see her reaching out. But, I do converse with her on the telephone for hours on end, frequently. And, I've known the chick practically my whole life, I pick up on things. I questioned her new behavior as I was quite confused. Although I wasn't quite as prepared for the total bullshit I was about to hear...
..."Well, I'm making changes to which I find negative about myself. 'Reinventing', if you may. Peeps change Hals....." Lamer explanations followed. The way she was Pseudo Intellectualizing anything & everything was exceeding what I could handle, I was out. She's a Cookie-Cutter trainwreck, I couldn't take the ramblings of a conformist. It's heartbreaking to ixnay her, but I have no choice. If/When she redeems her old qualities back, I'll heartwarmingly reinstitute the friendship. But, I simply cannot, if she doesn't. I'm the complete opposite of which she's becoming, I'd have to "reinvent" myself and I'm not about that, never will be.

Also, I'm completely not about drama ... Which would be paramount if the friendship continues. Although I'm ridded from drama, there's zilch exquisite about it. But I'm surrounding myself with Annabella (Relationships And The Endless Search) & Molly Dolly (Sex And The Suburbs). Although I'm sometimes aggravated/upset with one of the two, that's completely insignificant. I'm never left second guessing who they are - They are the greatest friends I could ever ask for and I'm everlastingly grateful for them both ... I'm never anything other than happy at the end of the day, and everything's exquisite about that.

"The Drama Kings."

I couldn't help but question drama and relationships ... Maybe, you're not supposed to believe something's the "Real Deal" unless somebody plays hard to get - Once stuff comes too easy, we're quite suspicious about everything...

...I couldn't help but wonder, must stuff get perplexing before one could believe that it's for real? You are raised to believe true love never comes smoothly. There has got to be obstacles in Act Two before you can live "Happily Ever After" in the Third Act. But, what's to occur if the obstacles are not there, does that imply something's absent from the equation? Is drama needed to make a relationship work?

"Three's A Crowd."

I couldn't help but wonder ... Are 'threesomes' the fresh and new sexual frontier? There's no question, dudes are infatuated with tripling the fun nowadays with threesomes. Once I began looking diligently I had realized they're everywhere - After all, our lives are actually completely built on threesomes...

...Fat, low-fat, nonfat. First, business, economy. Moe, Larry, Curly...

...Maybe, we were never meant to do it with one individual all along ... Maybe threesomes were the relationship of the future, a new form of ADD (Another Dating Disaster) where the price for attention had dropped miraculously, and all the new symptoms are treatable with a whole new array of side effects.

There's a definite struggle out there right now when one wishes to venture out and find a mate, let alone two...

...Let's say you've settled the dispute over third party gender, and you've now entered a three-way relationship. There's definitely a Jealousy-Factor that needs consideration. I'm one who believes you cannot be in love with more than one individual at the same time - Now, provided it's not an open relationship among all of you, there's a foundation of feelings which solidify commitment...
...Falling back on, "I'm one who believes you cannot be in love with more than one individual at the same time", a threesome relationship seems like Emotional Russian Roulette ... Threesome relationships institute a plethora of new ways in which a heart could be shattered. Could everyone be equivalently satisfied? I cannot help but think it would be a never-ending fight for equal attention. Everyone would be dividing their attention 50/50 which unfortunately doesn't add up to a whole. Remember, we're speaking of a relationship and not a no strings attached 'Wam-Bam-Thank-You-Mam' right now...
...One individual's probably going to see a lack of equality in the bed and maybe even in other areas too. Let's pretend that they're you. There's going to be jealousy possibly lead right to resentment - Which are two things that unlike a Rum & Coke, don't mix well, especially in relationships. Provided the other two're happy, that strongly suggests their connection together is stronger than which they individually share with you, at least on their end per their feelings. This inevitably singles you out, and you're a third wheel ... Until they eventually branch off, and you're left heartbroken depending on how hard you fell into all of the confusion in that love.

Speaking of Rum & Coke, allow me to fix myself one as I conclude this ADD for my Small Townies...
...Are threesomes the future relationship? Maybe. But, I hope not. You've gotta fully dedicate yourself to your lover - Which ultimately means giving them the key to your Small Town apartment and your heart. Once you allow one individual into the both, the "No Vacancy" lights up. Provided you are wholeheartedly in love with them, anyone else would be renting the space another already owns. Don't nonchalantly put up the "For Rent" sign and test that though, that's high risk relationship behavior not worth losing the aforementioned. Remember, the heart can't be split into two pieces ... Let's not try, as in the end it wouldn't be fair to yourself and the others that're involved, and vice versa...
...Until there's any further notice, let's leave threesomes to a night that we'll forget the day after, and not relationships. As I've finished this Rum & Coke, I'm ready to wake up to a morning with nothing worthy remembering, ha. Until next time, my Small Townies...

"Great Sexpectations."

After enabling our insomnia via a midnight call, I couldn't get Kimie's logic and words outta my head - Per the conversation, I began thinking about sexpectations ... We are aware as smart single men that we can't expect perfection in the bedroom or the relationship. But, life still manages to throw curveballs at us, some more expected than others. Maybe, once into your mid-thirties, 'dating' isn't the suitable title. Perhaps, 'waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-eventually-drop' would be more formfitting. So, if it is not the sex among me and you, somebody has to become a Jew - I couldn't help but wonder ... Why is it always something?

 

Ordinarily, women are like Erotic Novels - They fancy a romantic plot ... Whereas men are like Porn - Their preference is cutting right to the chase...

...Here's a hypothetical relationship scenario : Let's say the emotional and mental connection is absolutely terrific in every which way imaginable. There's too a physical attraction but the connection in the bedroom simply is not clicking - Eventually, with the absence of sex, whether it's a mutual agreement or what seems to happen over time, the other connection(s) will diminish, regardless their strength. There's no antidote for when things go terribly sour in the relationship.

There's a deadline on communicating the problems within a relationship, or what's lacking in it. It's definitely uncomfortable to speak negatively of that sensitive aspect, but what's worse is losing something possibly fabulous by not and avoiding it all together, until one picks to fleet ... Would they be the one that got away or the one that you let go and vice versa? There's a great likelihood they weren't the one for you, but with words left unspoken and stuff left unsorted out, you could never truly know.

Along the way, there's always need for change - If it's not about sex, it's regarding something that is equivalently as discouraging ... Few are willing to convert while others aren't. One might argue "change" suggests they're not sparking with the real you. I'm not positive I agree, it's contingent on where the urgency for change is placed, some things are a nonnegotiable in the end. However, there's probably a second piece to their argument which would carry weight. The right individual for you would accept and embrace you for who you truly are, flaws and all - So, what's the gig with the sudden needs for these earth-shattering changes?

Here's the verdict Small Townies : We're terribly wrapped up in locating the flaws within our lover to apply changes that, in our heads, bring us closer to a "Barbie & Ken" ... But, whatever happened to having a "Ross & Rachel" or "Carrie & Big"? Although together their ups and downs are undeniable, via dedication/devotion, modification, understanding and a supernatural love, are they the couples we are reminded of everywhere that we go. Those are the qualities which to strive for, which solidify a romantic relationship, surpassing the "Barbie & Ken" in every which way imaginable and possible...
...You'll be challenging each other, not to change, but to improve and prosper, while you flourish in a love strengthening each passing day - As you're holding the other's hand and you're locking lips, enjoying being in the other's arms after making love tremendously...
...Which, for the record, "Barbie & Ken" cannot do as they have flat and smooth crotches ... Things up in the Malibu dream house aren't too stellar. They're in need of change. Nothing validates desiring that life - Especially while you could be experiencing a love only found in a Small Town apartment.

"Lights, Camera, Relationship."

Supposedly, younger girls aren't threatened by a strong man having power ... Is it a whole generation, or only the one's you wind up encountering? As men's roles begin to change and evolve, we're left to assume that women's are too. There are hundreds upon hundreds of articles written about the new gal - But in actuality, does she exist? Perhaps, she's still the old gal, renamed and repackaged by some clever P.R man. Are the women of today less threatened by the power of men, or are they just acting?

 

Here's a thought ... Maybe women aren't the one's threatened by the power of a man. Perhaps, we're the one's who're threatened, threatened by our own power. If you've got a whole lot of money, there's always a lurking possibility when you get romantically involved with somebody that their incentive to be in the relationship isn't love, but it is all of the things you have to offer them. This's very rough. Sometimes, the ulterior motives of others are instantaneously distinguishable - While for others, they've got bluffing genuineness and sincerity down to a science. Of course everyone's true colors shine through at some point in time, via a mistake or slipup that's presumably unintended. Contingent on how attached to this individual you were ultimately decides the degree of heartache you will suffer along the journey of picking up the pieces once more, and starting over yet again ... If you've been nothing but a cash cow to somebody that you love with all of your heart, it's imperative you let go, end the relationship. You're not a ATM machine, you're a being with feelings who deserves all of the love they give in return - The one thing liquid assets can't be converted into is precious time, time that'd be way better spent finding yourself and that one woman who'll love you, and not for your bank statement but for your heart.

It's always tough to bounce back from a bad breakup ... But I believe something like this is one of the most tough. After this experience, the nagging thoughts that were once in the back of our minds, thoughts that women are with us for what we can offer them besides our hearts thrust into the forefront of our minds. This stirs up an utter lack of trust and makes us struggle with our power, the same power which threatens us with heartbreak, when we get romantically involved with a woman...

"Plus One's The Loneliest Number."

When you're a Small Townie, you're continuously pursuing either one of these three things at a clip ... A new job, a girlfriend or a place to call home. Let's pretend for a moment that you attain two outta the three, and they're terrific in every single way imaginable. Why are we constantly allowing whichever one we don't have to alter our perception on what it is that we do have - Why does one minus a plus one feel like it adds up to a zero?

It's frequent for one to think the grass is way greener on the other side of the fence ... Since the start of time, Mankind has never once been content all around with what it attains. Although this's terrific in ways, it's terrible in a plethora of other ones. We'll evolve into accomplished men and we'll advance ourselves tremendously. It's essential you have the appropriate balance of desiring to do greater, and too contentment with what you currently have to ultimately live happily in this world. Those that do not ever have the incentive to go out and achieve something incredible, generally go astray of ever accomplishing anything noteworthy and remarkable, and those that are continuously focused on what is absentee in their lives can never truly be happy.

After evaluating your current situation, if you've found yourself too much on one particular side, here's a conclusion and solution : You've got to locate a happy medium somewhere within it. You'll never recognize exquisite happiness if you don't do so. If you've got the great apartment and job, but you're without the girlfriend, there's no reasoning behind worrying yourself to death about it. This's where the motivational end comes into play - Because with the adequate motivation and willpower to achieve something wondrous enough for a lifetime comes the achievement. Somewhere along this illustrious journey we call life, Polly comes along and she challenges everything you once thought you knew, past worries fade into dust and there rests a love incapable of duplication or substitution that blossoms and flourishes as time passes and there is no possible end to something so magical.

"Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

I couldn't help but get to questioning the whole concept of honesty ... Maybe the idea was overrated. Maybe coming clean is the ultimate act of unquestionable selfishness, a method of absolving yourself by hurting someone who doesn't deserve it in the least. Way back in fifth grade, I cheated on a test with three friends - They wound up confessing what they had done and failed the class. I never told anyone about my involvement in the act and never suffered the consequences nor did it ever matter. When it comes to relationships, is honesty the best policy or was it a flimflam for suckers?

 

However, that was simply a test in fifth grade, a heart couldn't be broken because of it ... So, how much does the situation change for relationships, where so easily it's scary a heart can be shattered? When you cheat on something like a test, the premise of the act is simply the carefree way of passing. When you cheat on the person that you're in a relationship with, there's always an underlying cause - And the cause is typically what in your perspective is lacking in your current relationship. The indiscretion will likely feel terrific at first, due to the reunification with whatever it is you've been deprived of for however long, but back at the ranch this little thing named guilt kicks in. In view of these circumstances, one may wish the whole concept of honesty didn't exist ... That we lived in a guilt free and no-strings-attached world, where selective explanations was trending and you were completely innocent by omission. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Guilt has the capability of gnawing at your conscience to the core - First, you should question as to whether or not you actually belong in that particular relationship since you actually cheated on your partner. Infidelities cannot be justified with regret or sorrow and technicalities, especially when it was feasible to discuss your concerns and worries with your partner and derive a solution for them. However, if the damage is done, you're stranded with two options ... Let the guilt ingurgitate you, or jeopardize what you do have with your current partner. Well, I'm a firm believer in if you're willing to do the crime so to say, you should be willing to do the time and suffer the repercussions for your actions - Whether it's grand larceny or it's unfaithfulness in a relationship, it's practically the same gig with situational differences.

I couldn't help but wonder ... Are guilt and honesty linked to each other in an inextricable way? Maybe honesty isn't exactly the best policy of them all, but when guilt devours us, it seems to be the policy we continuously find ourselves investing in. Although coming clean jeopardizes everything we put at risk in our actions, we walk away with a very valuable lesson regardless of the turnout - Also, once we do find ourselves the right woman, cheating won't be an issue in any way ... And, once all factors broken down regardless of our current situations, that's definitely something to look forward to and strive for.

"All Or Nothing?"

Modern men have been told that if we apply ourselves, we can be anything we wish to be ... Astronauts, heads of an Internet company, even stay-at-home fathers - There aren't any rules and choices are endless. Evidently, they can all be delivered straight to your front door. Could it be possible we've become so spoiled by our infinite choices, that we're now unable to ultimately make one? That we're aware that once you choose something, one great woman, one miraculous apartment, one terrific job, another option bites the dust? Are we a generation who can't choose just one from column 'A' ... Did we have simply too much to handle - Or, can we have it all?

 

I couldn't help but wonder ... What defines "having it all" - Is it more or less the great woman, miraculous apartment and terrific job? Honestly, I find this to be strictly a matter of opinion and one's personal beliefs/preferences. For one individual, having it all could imply cutting ends meat, having a loving family of their very own and saying grace for what it is they do have ... While for another, having it all could imply an array of gorgeous women, beachfront property in the Hamptons and truckloads of money to blow along with a constant urge for more. As you can already determine, having it all has the ability to mean a boatload of stuff, and it tremendously varies by each person that you ask. "Having it all", fully depending on one's expectations and their perspective much to their dismay, may simply be something unattainable and far out of reach - However, if you do deem it attainable and "well enough" simply 'isn't doing it for you' for whatever reason(s), should you venture out into the world once more to find it ... Or will you wind up alone and broke, regretting not leaving it alone, maybe realizing to count your blessings and embrace what you do have in this world?

Maybe, the whole confusing concept of "having it all" is nothing other than an individualized pipedream. Or maybe "having it all" is simply living your life the way that God intended, because eventually all the pieces fall into place, regardless of how bullshit that may come across to you all in the present moment. Sure, there's a distinctive allure in "having it all", but would you be setting yourself up for missing your fate alongside valuable life lessons and things and die trying?