"The Fuck Buddy."

We've all got a pattern ... What is yours? We walk around, reminding ourselves to be cautious the next time we meet a girl. You think you have learned a valuable lesson from your earlier relationships and things will be different this time around - But mysteriously enough, you wind up ultimately making the same mistakes you said you wouldn't, breaking the promise to yourself of not getting hurt this time around. It appears as if though we are doomed to meeting these girls who are either not completely over their ex-boyfriends or they simply don't know what they feel for us or what it is that they want. Needless to say, it's always a confusing disappointment of the heart. 

I couldn't help but wonder ... Are we all simply victims to unconditioned responses - Doomed to repeat the same unconscious relationship patterns? Are we all ultimately dating the same person over and over again if you really get to thinking about it? If this is the case, should we really try to break these patterns, and simply date a girl who isn't really our type ... Or will that wind up being an even bigger disappointment?

"Change Of A Suit."

I couldn't help but wonder ... Maybe we're simply programmed to carry on the human race, lulled into the "I really want a baby" by what's expected of us and the threat of the ticking clock. In the matters of marriage, I'm simply unsure ... I think the essence of marriage has changed so much. I think that these days people get married because they believe to love one another, but know that with a prenuptial agreement implemented, it's a financial safeguard if they were to split up in the long run (I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket, unless I'm sure I'll be alright if the basket were to break.) Anywho, explore and spill your mind - Have we socially constructed these concepts as "normal"?

Is it truly that cut and dry that everybody wants to ultimately end up as happily married parents? Is being a PTA mommy or daddy the unanimous desire? Or, is it simply what is to be expected of us, which therefore leads us to ultimately become one? If everyone's expected to ultimately lead the same home life, then there's really no individuality. There's nothing wrong in leading a life such as this, but looking underneath the surface, is it really what works for everyone and is it the life everyone truly wants?

Perhaps, settling down and having children isn't everyone's cup of tea ... That particular lifestyle may not be as fulfilling for one as it is for another, leaving it to not be the best thing for them. If you never get married, you'll never have to face a bitter and terrible divorce - That's a completely understandable way of thinking in my opinion. A lifelong relationship without marriage may seem completely appropriate and fabulous for and to them. Although it's mutually considered true, you do not necessarily have to tie the knot to live happily - It's solely a matter of choice and personal belief/preference. However, the belief and idea of settling down and having babies as "normal" has been passed down from generation to generation, inevitably making it just another concept of life we see ourselves following in the end.

...Which leads me to wonder - Do we in actuality really want these things (children and marriage), or are we simply programmed?

"The Turtle And The Hare."

Depending on what it is you're searching for, dating in the Small Town can make you feel like a kid in a candy store or a parched wanderer in a desert coming across nothing but mirages. Even if you're not the total jackass that can be found practically anywhere and everywhere, the seemingly infinite choices render most people paralyzed and incapable of making a firm decision...

Inevitably, when you're positive there's something better out there, you can't help but try to find it. You begin to see yourself falling prey to the tyranny of choice - The idea of that people, when they are faced with too many options, find it that much harder to ultimately make a selection. If you are attempting to choose a girlfriend, out of a flock of thousands of them, you may end up selecting none of them. Or, you see someone until someone better comes along. The term for this would be "trading up" ... It can lead you to believe your opportunities are infinite, and therefore to question what you already have.

However, on the total opposite end of the spectrum, there are those who're completely tired of the seeming futility of it all and who just want to get off the damn dating carousel already. If you really are eager, to say nothing of desperate for a long-term partner, you may have to contend with something else - The tyranny of unwitting compromise ... The people who are looking may not be the people that you are looking for. Some people are too picky, and others aren't picky enough. Some hitters are swinging at every first pitch, and others strike out looking.

Once you've spent quite some time in the dating loop, it becomes tricky not to fall prey to either of the two - As I constantly encounter/witness men and women who appear to be perpetually looking over their date's shoulder, just in case somebody better walks past the first course of theirs. What people fail to realize is that the only reason they should be with somebody is if you're crazy about each other. If one of you is still looking over the other one's shoulder, or if the only thing that binds you is the fear of missing the boat, that is simply not enough.

I couldn't help but wonder ... In the Small Town of such great expectations, is it time to settle for what you can get?

"Undisclosed Desires."

Sex ... I couldn't help but recognize how individuals have various beliefs on the particular subject matter. In lieu of religious circumstances, some individuals may carry a very biased outlook on it in general. However, I'm here solely to shed a little light on this specific topic...

I'm fully aware of how some embrace their religious values - Not having sex until after they are married. Also, I'm sure plenty nonreligious folk believe in this as well. I'd first like to say how I have absolutely no problem with those who feel/think this way. However, there are those who deem sex as 'unnecessary' and 'wrong' all together. That's what influenced me to write this post. There's nothing wrong with sex by any means ... There's especially nothing wrong with making love to the person that you're in love with. Sex is the ultimate form of exchanging love after all. I couldn't help but wonder ... Must you first exchange vows before exchanging love? It's common knowledge and sense that sex is highly important to relationships, especially these days. What's a relationship without that intense physical chemistry and connection, riddled with passion? Where at any given moment, you feel as if though you have to have that person right then and there? If you've never felt that in your relationship, you should reevaluate the situation. If there's zero physical allure, then that's not a relationship ... It's a friendship. However, I'm not attempting to disregard the mental connection - As that too is a very important aspect in relationships. You simply cannot be with somebody who is incapable of holding an intellectual conversation or serious discussion when it's necessary.

The absence of having sex in a relationship can be extremely fatal. There are numerous detrimental outcomes that can easily arise in a relationship due to it. I'd say the outstanding issue would have to be cheating and unfaithfulness. Individuals inevitably have sex drives' (Some more persistent than others), and if in the relationship the absence of sex is too prolonged for someones needs, they very will may turn to outside resources for pleasure. Even to the dismay of the other individual, that outside resource may unfortunately be another person. If you're the person whose cheated on your partner for the intimate gratification you've been deprived of for however long, what are you to do in this predicament? Carry the guilt of unfaithfulness on your shoulders not telling your partner? Or coming clean to them taking the likely risk of splitting up in the end of the disaster?

Here's a solution for you : Refrain from cheating ... If your needs are unmet to the point you start contemplating cheating, it's imperative you have a serious discussion with your partner about it. Avoid the confusion and heartbreak by talking these things out. If your partner is still persistent in avoiding sex and won't budge for whatever reason(s), something has to be done. Splitting up may be the course of action that's best for the both of you. They can continue on with their conquest of trying to find an individual capable of abiding to their certain beliefs that they value so greatly, leaving you to explore yourself and the world once again, having all of the mind-blowing sex that you desire, eventually finding that one individual who does it for you that you can stay with for an eternity.

Don't feel bad for breaking it off with somebody because of the absence of sex ... Great sex is highly important to having a successful relationship, it's a completely natural act, it's totally fabulous and will never go out of style. The moral of the story is it's always easy finding an outlet for your computer, but it's a completely different ballgame when in regards to your desires and your frustration. Relationships, no matter how good are inevitably a series of compromises. But I'm just wondering as to how much of us we should be willing to sacrifice for the other person before we stop being ourselves. Don't walk that fine line, second-guessing who you are and changing yourself for somebody - It's simply not worth it, especially when you could be out and finding that one individual you're completely free to be yourself with.

"Take Me Out To The Ball-Game."

I've been deeply thinking about my last relationship, since rereading my latest posts. I couldn't help but get to rehashing the devastation following the break-up. First, I intensely wondered if it would be a good investment to institute a helmet law for modern relationships ... Then, I succumbed to practicality when wondering if their should be break-up guidelines and rules, each individual should incorporate to cope with the fiasco of experiencing a bad break-up and to lessen the blow...

Here's a tidbit of advice : Always reserve a small spot for your ex somewhere in the back of your mind, because the moment you stop thinking about them all together, they'll appear in some way. Inevitably you'll be reminded of your past relationships when doing certain things or when you're visiting certain places. However, by keeping them somewhere in the back of your mind, those reminders of the memories will not be nearly as startling because you have not yet completely forgotten about them. I consider that to be a very crucial after break-up guideline. However, I'm still fully aware that some individuals will choose to attempt and completely forget about a past relationship all together. As tempting as it seems, it's definitely no small task. I know you may never want to be reminded of less than stellar past experiences, but it's inevitable. Believe me as I have been there before ... All you'll accomplish in attempting not to face your demons nor learning to accept things, is receiving reminders of them even more brutal.

I think I'd say that my second after break-up rule would have to be destroy all pictures where she looks sexy and you look happy. Destroy any avoidable bad memories. Even a super oblique glance at those photographs will bring you back to a simpler time when everything in your love life was going great. Those good memories instantly alter into bad ones, once you begin to fixate on and nitpick the past and what exactly went wrong in that relationship. Therefore I see destroying pictures as very important.

I'm super positive that my third after break-up guideline would have to be your friends. Allow me to further explain ... You'll never get through any of these rather rough experiences, no matter who it was that hurt you, without the comfort and support of your really close friends. Never lose sight of them when the relationship's all sunshine and roses because sometimes things unfortunately take a turn for the worse. When things do take the proverbial turn for the worse, that's when you will need your close friends the most.

Of course everybody is different in the way that they handle situations, and there's no existing manual that relates flawlessly written detailed information on how to 'properly' cope with an awful break-up. The best that we can do is huddle together and share experiences, taking portions from one anothers' what we will, concocting guidelines and deriving our own individual manual on what works best for us when dealing with a bad break-up. These manuals will be tweaked as time goes on and things change, eventually leaving us with our personalized 'How-To-Guide' of getting over a gut-wrenching break-up.

"Pressing Send."

People say that everything happens for a reason. These people are usually men - And these men are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that women can get out of a relationship without even a simple goodbye (So I've Experienced), but us men apparently have to get married or learn something from the whole ordeal. Why are we always in such a gold rush to get from confused to Confucius? Do we search for 'lessons' that can lessen the pain?

I'm writing this solely because I found myself doing this after my confusing break-up ... She had her friend break-up with me over a text message. Which inevitably got me thinking as to whether or not she ever really cared about me throughout our seven month journey together. If a commitment has come to its end, it should be concluded in a fashion which honors what you shared. Luckily, I had some close friends who comforted and supported me through all of this in my time of need and searching of answers.

I spent weeks making excuses and concocting theories, all in efforts of lessening the pain and finding closure. Until it had dawned upon me ... Sometimes there are no excuses or admissible reasoning for the poor decision making and judgement of other people. Eventually, I had come to the realization that she's just the common coward, whose priorities are fucked up and needs help. Once I faced my demons and recognized that it wasn't my fault in any way, I was finally free to be me again.

If you're currently in the midst of overcoming a bad break-up with someone you really cared about, but their emotional instabilities got the best of the relationship, see it in this perspective ... Individuals spend too much time finding others they can blame for something, too much energy seeking excuses that can explain the lack of others being what they're capable of being, and not enough energy in putting themselves back up on the line, outgrowing the past, and furthermore getting on with their lives again.

"The Haunting Season."

Could you get to a future when your past is your present? I've been pondering this for quite some time. See, I was in this relationship for seven months, with a girl that I actually really liked. I had really thought that there was something promising there. But, in the end it winded up being A.D.D, another dating disaster...

I have reason to suspect she's a lesbian, who may or may not know it yet ... She's over-compensating for something. Isn't there always that time allotted for adjustment after a break-up? Well, ours certainly didn't appear to phase her in the least. Within a matter of days, she had a recycled boyfriend on her arm. This was not just a one time thing, it's a distinctive pattern in her love life. There's absolutely no break-up adjustment period allotted into her life, her focus is simply finding a new guy, over and over. In these three years of living in the Small Town, she has only been single for six months, tops.

I have observed that once relationships begin to start requiring equal effort on both ends, and it's not as fresh and smooth sailing like the beginning was, she bails at the drop of a dime. Apparently, she feels as if she deserves this idealistic fairy tale love finish which would require no work on her end, while the man pampers her. Maybe her downfalls in relationships stem from the less than stellar marriage her parents had, and she is not yet over that yet. However, if that is the case her solution isn't another relationship, it's a therapist. Here's the issue with her and her yearning for a fairy tale ... She seems to never let a good relationship flow and blossom into what it's meant to be. It's like her love life is a contradiction, she won't remain in a relationship if things are going in the direction she wants. Which I believe stems from her unresolved issues with her parents divorcing. She knows what she wants, regardless of the superficial expectations. However, something in the back of her mind must keep continuously telling her throughout each relationship, that if something appears good to dismiss it because it can only end up bad like her parents.

There are many factors to take into account. I'll never be too sure what her problems with commitment stem from, the possibilities are seemingly endless. Regardless, she's a dangerous individual to get attached to. She'll end up hurting you, as I've witnessed time and time again and have even experienced myself. Now that I've summarized the relationship I had with her and other details, I'm now capable of getting to the point of this blog post. I really feel as if though this past relationship haunts me from time to time. I truly cared about her, and what I find baffles me the most, is the way in which she disregarded me. She had the audacity of having one of her friends break up with me over a text message. When a relationship unfortunately dies, can we ever give up the ghost? Or are we to be forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past and what could have been? The answer is likely yes. Inevitably you'll be reminded of past relationships throughout your life, when you're doing certain things or you're visiting certain places.

You'll never be able to alter your past. Through time and with the comfort and support of your close friends, you'll learn to accept things. Never lose sight of your close friends through these times, this will be when you are in need of them the most. Also, be the kind of friend that someone can turn to in their time of need. These things happen, and you'll see that the past has only made you a stronger person who's ready for future relationships. Never let your past be something that negatively tampers with your future. Once you've faced your demons, say hello to the new and improved you. And when the past calls, send it straight into voicemail, because it has absolutely nothing new to say...

"Belles...Of The Balls."

I couldn't help but get to thinking about my friends - Body image depression, unpredictable mood swings, those late night calls obsessing about a relationship ... Did I mention that these are predominately my male friends? So, maybe men and women aren't from different planets as pop culture would have us believe. Perhaps in actuality we live a lot closer to one another than one might think, dare I even say it, in the same zip code? In view of current circumstances and which I've prior stated, I couldn't help but wonder ... Are we men really just women with balls?

If you thoroughly consider it, it's not like we emotionally differ nowadays as opposed to the past. We're all simply throttling up on power in the bedroom, as these day you're prone to accumulating a lengthy list of sexual partners due to all the game players and emotionally unavailable individuals who roam freely among us. It's really not far fetched to proclaim that the few who still believe in true love are beginning to lose hope in the whole idea.

Maybe, it's even less far fetched in proclaiming the improbability of believing in true love nowadays, given the cynical world we live in now. Perhaps, it's exactly what's making women fashion the negative male stereotype in the matters of commitment. But if men and women are indeed becoming one in the same in a world where it is said that opposites attract, and never equivalents, what precisely does that imply for the future?