"The Notorious V.I.P."

There'll be a few times, where, if you're lucky, but it's subliminally inevitable too, there's a Person who unexpectedly ventures into your life, who'll shake your World up while becoming a large piece of it...
...While, on the other end of that Unanticipated Coin, you may see the Person someway being Exiled, or Outcasted from your World...
...Being/Feeling Betrayed by a Person who you truly care a great deal for, Relentlessly and Unconditionally, will definitely bring you an Indescribable and practically Unbearable dealing of Hurt and Pain. The Truth being, a once 'Picture-Perfect' Friendship or Relationship, which was Believed and Suspected being one with Honor, Love, Respect, and Trust, can disturbingly quick alter into one with Anguish, Resentment, and utter Sadness for yourself...
...I couldn't help but Wonder, how can a V.I.P from your Heart truly value you, while Battering your Belief System down to Emptiness and Nothingness? However, if a Lost and Notorious love somehow finds their way back 'Home', how much of ourselves, from the Inside, should us be Willing to Sacrifice, to Extend them the Key into our Hearts once more? Could you Practice 'Forgive and Forget'? Or, could it be it just isn't that Simple? Honestly, I'm not Positive I'm one who Believes In, or can ever Believe In the Concept. However, 'Forgive, but you're Haunted by', is a System I know which lives on absolutely, possibly a lot similar to the Heartbreak of being Unthinkably Scorn.

"A Petal In The Wind."

I'm completely speechless...

...Hello everyone! How are you? That's the first and foremost right now.

I'm not sure, I guess somethin' distracted me, and I had misplaced focus ~ Life's a truly everchanging sport, its' rules prepared for debating. They're definitely bendy, and manipulation ready for whatever comes quick. I'm one whose willingness for learning somethin' is quite large. However, while it's stemming from heartbreak, that's a completely different, and complicating story...

...Non-Platonicness manhandles a friendship. The shit's crazy. A lotta' you could probably see I had feelings for somebody ~ A lotta' you could possibly see I had feelings for Annabella, specifically.

In January, I met her. 'Twas definitely about fckin' time I did! The experience was incredible. She was funny, gorgeous, and intelligent like she was for FaceTime calls. After the deceivingly flawless aforementioned, everything had suddenly spiraled downward...

...She abruptly found somebody new, retracted her feelings, all the while developing a careless approach for everything pertaining to me...

...Confused, angry, while too being completely devastated, I had laid everything out. I was yearning for a response. Although I was frightened, and I had completely acknowledged her reception had the capability of rescuing or tarnishing the whole friendship.

She apologized, but I could not accept, nor forget anything and everything ~ The funny thing being, I forgive her. However, everything feels horribly wrong there. New, scary, and unfamiliar. Betrayal far too clear to see anything else.
That's all she wrote...
...I remember being a completely grounded and stable individual. A Petal In The Wind continues livin' on, breezing wherever a place new, scary, and unfamiliar finds him ~ And you'll learn for movin' on, eventually. I wish her all those lessons of fate, too.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...Here's for a fresh start, and too a new Chapter, Townies... 

"Riding Solo."

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

...Oh, I guess that's my cue.

Hello! Yes, I'm alive (I'm starting to see I say that a lot now, Lol). Let's delve!

So, I've got a friend who basically asked I treat him the way I treat my beloved Small Townies interestingly enough, and that I write a post which gives my feedback and input on his situation. Since he's sorta a train wreck when dealing with relationships, he doesn't have to fear being the proverbial outsider here. Ha.

I met him in September ... But it's one of those "I've known you my whole life" things. So, I think I've got a great grasp on his situation. Not that it's that complex, plus I've witnessed it before I met him, and I'm quite certain I will again in the future. 

Well, he's single, and he hates it. Yup! This bullshit again. Anywho, he's got a 'round the clock yearning for the affection and tenderness one receives from their significant other. And since he's not havin' all that much luck in the dating pond, he's going a bit crazy...

Here's where I weigh in ... For starters, there's NOTHING wrong with being single!!! Secondly, a modern relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. There's an endless array of bullshitters + game players out there who'll disguise themselves and take advantage of you in any number of ways. Nowadays, the usual result of putting yourself out there isn't only still being alone, but upset too. Who remembers the times where being a single man meant that you were available, sexy, and taking time to figure out what you're looking for?
Finding someone worthwhile, and solidifying a relationship doesn't, and it won't happen overnight. Plus, I've observed that it's something you don't find when you drive yourself crazy trailing after it ... It's a pleasant surprise, a thing you'll stumble upon when you least expect it.
As for you, Dontel (I don't protect the guilty, Lol), embrace singledom! That's the bottom line. And for those like him, those rules apply for you, too ... Also, I do suggest you invest in quality you time.

*Patiently waits for minds to exit the gutter*

Thoroughly explore yourself ...

*Waits again*

... 'Cause for those in those situations, there's a completely different relationship which needs their attention: The relationship they've got with themselves. Something's a bit off there. Sometimes, in a world where partnering up is all one wants to do, there's nothing better than being out of a relationship. You're completely at liberty to do whatever pleases you, and you've acquired more time to spend with the soul-mates you have already found: Your best friends.

"The Young And The Restless."

I'm young, but I'm restless.

I'm starting to understand I sorta flip-flop about what I feel ... Sometimes, I don't know what I feel. Maybe, those are the indicators there's too much there and I can't separate those feelings. Maybe, I'm empty and that's that.

Then again, 'Emptiness' is a feeling too. It's not a great one. Life's bittersweet.

"A New Beginning."

Small Townies! Yes, I'm alive Lol.

Life's what happens while you're makin' other plans you see. That's completely random, but it's the truth. Life is calling, and I don't have the time that I used to. Nevertheless, I'm here in the now. Let's delve!

Although I'm wiped out, I've still got shit to say.

I'm starting to learn shit all happens for a reason ... Tears eventually fade, a wound heals, and one day you'll understand everything's exactly how it's supposed to be. Notice I said 'supposed'. You see, 'supposed' don't necessarily go hand in hand with your expectations and wants. That's life! It opens you up to shit that's exotic and new to you. It's all for the best, too. 'Moving on' is a process which requires dedication and a promise to oneself that you're truly ready to let loose, and the shit that hurt you in the past don't matter anymore. 

It's never easy nor painless, and it's never supposed to be. That's the truth. Could you smile, and dig to uncover the beautiful?

"Me, Myself & I."

How often are we forgetting about our needs and wants? Especially for a relationship. Any relationship?

We're willing to compromise, jeopardize and sacrifice parts of ourselves for those we love, for their benefit.

Is there a point where selflessness becomes selfishness? And we've began neglecting ourselves? Honestly.

The Art of Compromise is inevitable ... That's the truth. However, that doesn't imply one shouldn't think of themselves while makin' a big decision.

Whether you cannot have a cat, nor enjoy yourself a cigarette in the comfort of your own apartment ... One may wonder. Is it worth it? I've got a whole lot I've got to consider for the future...

...Do you?

"Crystal Visions."

Here's a quicky, gentlemen ... It's probably not the one Small-Town hopefuls was a hopin' for, but hey.

Trust.

"You can trust me!" ... How many times has that blown up in your face? Personally, I've lost count. It's like counting the miserable sheep when you're too tired to sleep ~ What a grueling sport that is.

Trust is like a Mirror. You can "fix it" when it's broke. However, you'll still see a crack in that motherfuckers' reflection.

Broken Trust ~ The Scar on Belief everywhere.

Never forsake Trust.

'Ya don't know whatcha' got 'till its gone ... Easily lost, Hardly found.

The crinkled dollar which blew 'outta your pocket on a freezing, snowy Winter's Day. The freshly lit cigarette gusting in the wind, rolling along with the wind on the Freeway. Gone.

However, Trust can't be Found by uncovering the Snowflakes, or wandering about for that Nicotine fix ... It could be forever lost Without a Trace, like the Friend or Lover breached.

"Silence Of The Cheaters."

What's with cheating???

I'll answer that!

If you cheat gentlemen, there's definitely a piece missing in the relationship you're in.

You can plead the fifth, chucking it up to mistake and a wrongdoing.

Be that as it may, there's more there ... You're either in denial, refusing to face the fact, or you're not digging deep enough to explore the problems.

In any relationship, there's always a level of temptation to delve into the unknown.

Which may entail a little something something with a slutty cocktail waitress ... To loosen the gag (No pun intended) and embrace the pond of potential sex partners.

And that's human nature for men and women, no harm and no foul.

However, these urges are typically avoided when a man processes his current commitment ... He can realize what he gets at home is second to none.

He could then learn to put his free and wild sexuality undercover 'cause he don't need another lover.

It's the Season of Love in his life ~ The Season of Makin' Shit Happen.

Forget about the loose cocktail waitress. It's a waste of time, a complete waste. She probably has chlamydia or something anyway.

She'll say it's safe and all, but that's what they said about the Ford Pinto ... Think about it, do you want a Pinto near your dick? *Head Shake*. No.

Anywho, let's not veer off course, lads. 'Lads'. I can't with myself sometimes.

Okay. Okay. Cheating is a sensitive topic, and shouldn't be taken lightly.

Don't mind little 'ole me, I'm bad.

There are quite a few different cheating scenarios, and it can't easily be defined as a single thing.

So, let's delve!

You've got the knocking back of a few too many and ending up in the back of an El Camino. Classification Classy Cheat. Not.

You can place the blame on the alcohol, but a drunk mind channels a sober heart ... There's something within your relationship that's not clicking, or fucking? There's a brainteaser for 'ya. Chomp on that reality biscuit.

Don't scapegoat the Bud Light, that's not nice. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm a Sex Addict!" doesn't fly either. You're a "Sex Addict"? Really? And I'm a shoe!

Sex isn't frequent enough for you? Communicate that! I can't repeat that enough. Communicate! And if it's one night she's not there, invest in a little diddling with yourself ... Don't go manwhoring about dude.

The bar broad meant absolutely nothing to you, but for your current woman, she'll think it meant everything. Hell, you did it, didn't you? She'll begin to believe she doesn't get your rocks off, which will inevitably cause potentially irreparable damage to your relationship, leaving her bags packed and out. All 'cause you didn't communicate, 'ya douche. Unless........

The 'Unless' being you're in a relationship where the boundaries for healthy trust and forgiveness are lost on you both.

She can't stand the thought of being alone, you can't/won't face the actual problems in the relationship, which are now completely over the top bad.

That isn't a relationship anymore ... That's a disaster my friend, a conflicting, emotional disaster. Her being too afraid to let it go, you STILL being too afraid to just talk. And if you could've talked, imagine the reality of that as opposed to this aftermath of not.

Then there's the "relationship", where there's obviously something missing, and you cheat relentlessly. What's left there diminishes more and more every time. You could feel the guilt, or you feel nothing at this point.

Utter numbness ... You sleep with other girls to run from the troubles you can't even feel anymore. Yet you're still strapped to all this carnage and nothingness. Your current 'girlfriend' knows the full extent of your indiscretions, but has self-esteem problems or some shit and allows this to be her world, ignoring everything.

Emotional Chaos ~ These relationships are the signs that two people aren't meant to be. Hopefully you can free yourselves and learn something valuable for the future. Maybe you can stay friends (Although I doubt it), while definitely moving on.

Also, there's the "relationship" where both people actively cheat, maybe even find somebody new but feel shackled to the confusion and the pain of their current thing.

That's gotta end. Y'all need to book it and get out, so you can live. Your happiness lies elsewhere.

So, you see now, 'cheating' is tricky. It's a series of excuses, which can't be defined as a single thing.

There are endless Cheating Scenarios.

Gentleman, don't let those eyes wander ... That's the deadliest of Small Town sin.

Derive your own answers, solve your own problems. Life itself is the ultimate test of love and strength. And everyone's different 'ya know.

If you find yourself copying, you'll never know of your own mark in the world ... That's not cool.

In a world riddled with earth-shattering questions, both happy and heartbreaking, a dude can only hope for a Cheat Sheet. However, he must only battle with his three top resources in life while using them wisely. His dick, his heart, and his mind.

"I Can Set Your Secrets Free, Baby!"

Let's talk expression ... Self-expression. Emotional/Mental. Physical. Sexual. Key thing being, expression can't be disregarded, and it cannot be neglected. It's simply essential for living fully and happily. Unavoidable. Lose those doubts, 'cause you'll find no danger in expressing yourself. Let those walls burn down. It's fine.

Let's not dance around the subject, delve instead ... Expression and relationships. There's a 'PMS' model that's well-worth following. "Physical, Mental/Emotional, and Sexual expression". They're the beneficiaries of a healthy relationship one could say. The exposure disclosure. However, they're all useless unless exploited.

First and foremost, if you're not physically attracted to your woman, you shouldn't even read this 'cause that relationship has gots to go. I'm only saying, if you've gotta pop a viagra non-medically to plow the fields, why plant on that farm? A fresh start isn't THAT awful. Anywho, even if you aren't the "type", communicate those emotional/mental needs by takin' off the hard hat and quittin' the bitchin'. Which implies expressing what you feel AND what you think ... Don't get it twisted, it's possible they're total opposites in particular situations but they're equally vital, and you've gotta put those motherfuckers together real nice like Edible Arrangements. Could be bittersweet, but important. Last, but most-certainly not least, sexual. The thing which makes lovin' fun! Expressing bedroom needs, while cherishing the spark which turns 0 to 60 in a second. Mindblowingly. Get Raw and Go There with your woman. Make those octaves roar. Don't be a tease, that's child's play gentlemen. Don't be a misleading trailer for what's an incredible movie. Perfect every scene, and make every act undeniably irresistible and unforgettable with unmatched fire and intensity, using immense passion.

If, somehow, that didn't clue sweet wonderful you in, "Talk To Me" is but an ear away, Stevie Nicks style ... It's mindbogglingly fabulous, an orgasm for the ears, an inspiration for expression everywhere. Take the walls down gentlemen. There's something you can do ... A big smile, a good cry, a great laugh, an open heart and mind (Legs too, why not), let it out.

If you could have that relationship ... Where, any given moment, you experience that unshakable urge to have your woman right then and there, forever telling her about how gorgeous she is, how much you love her. And you're capable of emotionally and mentally expressing yourself at any degree, without fearing the fifth degree, or sweating judgment or ridicule. Where the bleakest thought of the bed pushes you over the edge of wooing excitement, and gettin' down with the get down by being freaky and going raw isn't intimidating done with the greatest of ease and love, it simply doesn't get any sweeter than that. There's something happening there, and it's fabulous. Let it happen, and don't rock the boat, let all those inhibitions go.

"I can see, we're thinkin' 'bout the same things ...

And I can see your expression when the phone rings,

We both know there's somethin' happenin' here.

Well, there's no sense in dancin' round the subject ...

And a wound gets worse when it's treated with neglect,

Don't turn around, there's nothin' here to fear."

"Meet Me Halfway."

Who recollects their teenaged relationships and all their teenaged flirting? Those times where cracking jokes, makin' fun and constantly teasing was how a guy showed a gal he liked her. I couldn't help but wonder ... Do we ever truly quit using those methods? A man tries to please his girlfriend whenever its possible, but pre-relationship, the 'Flirting Stage' duration, those teenaged rules still apply. The more a chick we dig ignores us, and teases us pretending that we don't exist, we're incredibly vulnerable to wanting her even more. Enjoying the chase, a forbidden love, or playing hard to get but it works. There's one thing, one thing that a man needs to know ... Are we chasing after somebody who'll never turn back around, meeting us halfway at the borderline of love? Is this the "Teenaged Rule", or simply being cruel?

"Reap Just What You Sow."

'Ya know, I'm not positive that I believe in belonging with somebody, destiny, fate ... When you're young, you scribble up these makeshift 'Fortune Tellers', randomly choose a couple numbers and there's your future carved in stone. However, I do think we're capable of falling in and out of love with multiple girls within our lifetime, and being equally happy with completely different women. Maybe, there are those particular girls we feel we "belong with", thinking that we must take that chance with or we'll miss out on something valuable.

Those gut feelings don't necessarily insinuate that she's "The One" for you but there's something else meant there. What's the fallback, or the 'Plan B', in the event a guy goes without receiving his opportunity? Whether it's the gal and she's not being receptive and resisting, or the feelings aren't matching and this "fate" isn't going anywhere productive, and that's that.

You see, Small-Townies, we've got all the abilities for preparing our own fate ... Rearranging, Remastering, Restyling, whatever, and makin' our own lives our personal definition of fabulous regardless of anything and everything. It's not our 'Predestined Fate', serving time for a crime. God and the Stars don't envision that shit. That's all us! Rough times, stupidity, a thrill, vengeance ... Those bring you to crime.

We're printing our fates hot off the press shooting a thing down, not attending a particular event pretending you had not received the invitation, or throwing an ex-girlfriend into your voicemail. It's something flickering inside us. It's the same for mates and a relationship. We can choose to "belong" to any woman. We'll take a shot, going for broke and check if we hit the target. If you don't, maybe you'll hit a different one, or try again.

"The Mistaken Identity."

Terrific ... I've found myself standing all alone on "The One-Way" yet again, Small-Townies.

What's "The One-Way" you all might ask? It's incredibly simple, especially for consistent viewers and those with experience. The art of realizing you care about somebody who's meaningful to you in your life more than they about you. Familyship, Friendship, Relationship ... Veritable spots for "One-Way" bullshit. Right now, it's about friendship, which I unfortunately know all too much about.

Inevitably, I dedicate myself to friends ... The close few I adore, cherish & love unconditionally/wholehearted without a doubt, I'm there for. Bullshit after bullshit, but the few still remain. What continuously occurs is that they find a great relationship, and I get the gank. Why? I have no fucking idea.

Maybe their new relationship has 'em turnt out, and they'll begin losing sight? I don't know. I don't ... But I do know it's inexcusable dusting a close friend off all for a relationship. I've dealt with this bullshit far too long in life, (Kim's relentless drama), and I'm exhausted. Can't anything not fucking suck?

I'm the one who'll be there for a friend regardless of anything and absolutely everything. Maybe, I'm one of those masochists. Get a relationship, and I'm a resident of "The Back-Burner". 'Ya know except for all those late calls obsessing about the relationship, forgetting a friendly "How are you?" before proceeding to ramble. Fabulous. I feel forever-so appreciated! Thank you. That's, that's great.

Currently, I'm strapped to this complete disaster with a great friend, a sisterly chick. Considering her and I had lost a great friend 'cause of the exact same shit, I'm speechless she's entering such a forbidden territory. I can't begin to tell you how much we mocked this chick for the mistakes she had made ... Ruthless! I cannot find an outlet for the anger I've got, and I think it's in our best interest we maintain a distance for a bit, in case I start flipping the script on her ass. I've dealt with this bullshit far too long in life, I'm familiar with this game. I need time, and that's that for now. She'll be leaving for a few week trip sometime tomorrow, so I get the time that I need after all.

~

*SIDEBAR*

She's incredibly religious ... She's not "intimate" with her man. Besides slipping the tongue (And not South), they're barely misplacing the boundaries of the "FriendZone", minus their exclusive label together. It's not 'till the marriage, at least for her. I know her guy wants more in the nearer future, which will bring about pressure and 'bunch of other bullshit. I don't blame him not one bit. A relationship minus sex is a relationship not worth having. 'Ya know, I'm pro-sex, especially when it's about the love. A 2 Carat Diamond Ring equaling making love to your woman doesn't fly for me...

...Oh The Road to Hell, paved with such great intentions. Too bad Hallmark doesn't carry any "Hey Asshole ... Best wishes!" cards...

...Disaster.

~

Alrighty ... Hopefully, she'll do a 'lotta thinking too and reflect a bit. However (Anything after "But" is shit), I doubt that. "Love" has got her batting for The Blindside in the grand scheme. The Classification of Neglect is "The Mistaken Identity", and I know all the rules, all the everything. Until stuff begins to spoil in her whatever you call it, I'm the sideline bitch who promotes emotional sluttiness for her given I'll get her to talk at all about anything!

I'm aggravated. Frustrated. Upset. Whatever. I truly hope everything works out for her ... Does that imply I'll get cut 'outta her "Picture Perfect" life? Who knows. However, I'm crystal with what I should anticipate here. I understand everything and all the possible outcomes.

Along the road, something's bound for an accident. Few pieces start going M.I.A, a few other(s) fall out, it's bullshit we're experienced with. 'Nadda new there ... And who's the first phone call she'll make? Halsey! The last question left is, will I answer? How much longer can I stand alone here, on "The One-Way" before I U-Turn that shit? Fleet the motherfucker. Fleet!

The synopsis? Simple, Small-Townies. Regardless a relationship that's all roses and sunshine, DON'T forget about those relentlessly there through anything and everything that's happened. The close friends. Continue to have those few relationships bloom and evolve with the world, converse and laugh as normal ... And no, not about the relationship all of the time. Please! Don't be "that" friend, that's not cute. Ugh, everyone runnin from your ass, hiring the local hitman. That's what's up. This bitch annoying!

Balance your relationships! Take a class, whatever, I'm only sayin'. Painful! Consider yourself powerless ... Succumb and get a nametag, do the 12-Steps for disillusioned and needy, dance a jig. There are heart(s) all on the line there. Admit the problems! Stuff could easily, emphasis on easily, spoil for the relationship. It's like Milk, 'wanna drink chunks? No. Leonardo DiCaprio and the heavyset chick ... Glorious - Triumphant? Sure! Hangin' on a wooden door, dying of hypothermia. Are you understanding? Lawd! I can't.

Don't forget friends ... And DON'T be "that" friend. Calling all Snipers! Seriously 'cause if and when the Milk curdles, there's a great chance they'll be long gone. Watch for the expiration dates. And after everything, could you truly blame 'em for dropping out?

"The Milk Carton."

I couldn't help but wonder ... Precisely how many remarkable women are men shipping into the FriendZone? Could right now be the opportune time to begin instituting rent increase and start notarizing those eviction notices? Reevaluate a gal friends' position within your life? Maybe, "The One" is the gal you never visioned in the Pretty Woman's gorgeous Red Dress. Never appeared thought worthy 'cause it's not conventional.

Recently, non-recently, but all experiences from within my life have lead me to wonder, are our Soulmates a resident of the FriendZone? Girlfriends, all simply enter and leave, hence the plural. But these few girls, those with a different label I'm now attempting to differentiate the uniqueness from Girlfriend, "Best Friend(s)" are there forever. And, maybe a man needs a bit longer than forever to illogically and logically realize these girls embody the relationship we perpetually creep about yearning for, but can't find. They've given desperately needed support for all our bad breakups and relationships, and have lent a hand in bad situations at home. We've shared all those chuckles, experiences and joy we wish a Non-FriendZoned gal would be worthy of. Our Best Gal Friends make us happier than any Girlfriend, yet we don't put two and two together. Answers, those that we're desperate for, lie right before our eyes ... It's emotional blindness.

We can't think any higher of the girls we've named our Best Friend(s). We're on the never-ending hunt for "The One" to complete us, yearning for the one day it would all be done. But maybe those failed relationships and horrifying dates are all telltale signs we're on the wrong track. And it's never too late to turn around, then seeing "The One" right before your eyes, there's the gal that we were contemplating filing a "Missing Persons" for. A 'lotta men don't consider the friend conundrum 'cause we're raised to believe it breaches an unwritten contract. It's seemingly odd. Unconventional. But, if a man can crack the friend factor, and finds a loophole, who knows of the reward(s). Would require balls ... But these are our lives! Take the wheel, fellas.

Friendships are relationships. Couldn't we tweak the characteristics and fastforward through the bullshit? I can honestly say that my Best Friends, who're dominantly women, have made me happier than any Girlfriend that I've had. And happiness is vital for a relationship, any relationship. So, maybe "The One" has been there from day one. There for a bad movie, egg whites at your diner, while you fixate on all your shipwrecked relationships, men and women, who didn't make the cut. Maybe that's her, and the scissors are meaningless. The "Forbidden Territory" advocates risk, but while you're receiving all the benefits of a great relationship, begin putting the glasses on ... Maybe, of all of the maybe's, it's time for the sex.

Shit...

"Just Say Yes."

Could one truly know when something is right? How would one truly know such a thing? Are there signs? Firecrackers? Would one being comfortable prove that there aren't any firecrackers in the relationship? Would hesitation prove something isn't right there or you're simply not prepared? Oh, the questions. For the trials of love, how would one truly know that it's right?

I couldn't help but wonder ... Maybe, there aren't any right answers, right times or right women. Maybe you should simply listen to what your heart is telling you. Yes ... Just say yes.

Delaney, for instance. Times could not get any worse for our personal lives, and we had begun searching for those right times within our relationship, in attempts to perfect something. Everything, in our lives, was terribly uncontrollable. I guess a sense of control flickered within us while contending with our relationship together. But those adventures of "control" had disbenefited us, as I felt more powerless while stuff began to shift, and in a bad way with the distance seemingly irreconcilable.

Was there a possible way where stuff could've ended differently? Yes, I'm convinced. Is timing everything? If Delaney & I hadn't partnered up then, and had waited for a more encouraging opportunity later on, could there and would there have been a major difference? We would have attained the time to dedicate ourselves to what had drawn us apart in our lives. And, we'd have been more experienced ... Stronger. Prepared for a commitment which craved equal attention, desperately needed it to survive.

The "woes" still continue for her and myself. I have faced, she has faced, draining uphill battles since splitting. Heavy realizations are the normality, I have them every day. Here's a tip to take, from our relationship : You shouldn't enter deep waters when you are currently a shallow swimmer. Even if you're completely willing to chance it, come up for air and talk shit out. The relationship will drown otherwise. Maybe, Delaney & I were both terribly possessive of particular feelings and that simply couldn't work. We were chained to anchors. Being doomed was our destiny 'cause of that. When you love a gal, find the key to unshackle yourself and your feelings too. Allow small space to feel what you're feeling, and to think about everything, open up but a smidgen. Simply follow, and listen to your heart ... 'Cause it brings you home, always.

"The Big Journey."

There are a lot of men of a particular age, who are charming and single, searching for a particular thing. That particular thing doesn't necessarily involve a particular ring. We've switched the black books for black suits, and replaced the Mustang with a pricey Rolex, but 'cause of particular evidence, I couldn't help but wonder ... Are we the new bachelors?

"I Can't Find The Time To Tell You."

Are the words you feel a foggy mist surrounding you everywhere you go in life? Simply put, you can't find the time to tell somebody how you truly feel? You're either tangled in work among other stuff, or the plain fear of those possible outcomes of feelings intimidate you? Tomorrow, next week and next month, are all of the time mechanisms we use to avoid our feelings, and avoid total disappointment or rejection. Although men try, are we trying hard enough?

You could write a novel of feelings with 1,000 pages but you can't utter a word to this gal within 1,000 ages. Once a man reaches a particular age and a particular number of relationships which had not worked out, "Baby, I can't find the time to tell you..." simply doesn't cut it anymore. There's a deadline on communicating, it's the unspoken Rule of Love. There are times where something, a promotion, an untapped relationship slips away out of your grasp before you had grabbed a hold and explored all the possibilities and opportunities. It, like a boat released from the shackles of an anchor, has set sail without you.

When all these things occur, a guy has to ask, "Did I try hard enough?" ... After heavy realizations, "No" may be the answer. There'll be a guilt period, and you might hate yourself for a while, for not grabbing a hold of the opportunity of a successful relationship and true love. And you'll ask, "Was that conflicting time lot living or procrastinating?" The Verdict : Avoid the total disaster and FIND the time. Whatever it means to you, a guy must let go of the Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda, buckle up and keep going; Trust me, I know.

"Strange Condition."

Strange condition, familiar crossroads ... Those times where you don't know what you've came for, but you want somebody to know something, and you want to know something in return for that. What? It's not clear, but it's there, sorta like a wordless letter.

Delaney; Our relationship was this wordless letter. There was something I wanted her to know, and I wanted to know something in return. I think she did too, and that's where the communication deprivation began being puzzling and, well ... Frightening. We slipped outta the other's arms and I'm still not sure how, or even why.

I wasn't sure what I needed and wanted to say among everything I dealt with at that time. I had a fried brain, I couldn't think, not even for a minute; I was emotionally/mentally numb. I did that to myself to avoid hurt. I don't think Delaney knew, either. She was stranded in escaping the struggles that she hadn't dealt with.

The distance was quite far. It couldn't even be interpreted as a mechanism to grow closer anymore, but only for furthermore separating from the other, until one couldn't possibly find their way back. There wouldn't any longer be a reason for not knowing what you've came for 'cause you couldn't come at all. And the question, whatever that was, still remains ever-so unclear for the heart and mind. But, now that I think about it ... Maybe I might know what I needed and wanted to say and receive in return. This, too, goes for Delaney...

" ... I love you."

"Let's Have A Smoke And A Drink Sometime."

Men constantly complain about how women disappoint their expectations and about all those awful dates ... We chase these model-types, and eventually get a date, only to question suicide 'cause it's so horrible. There isn't a connection, and the personality level welcomes a whole new unbearable when her idea of interesting is Maybelline and, of course, her outstanding unpaid traffic ticket. Looks are deceiving, especially while you're penning $100 out to the Municipal Court to run from a mess...
...Are these terrible dates messages in disguise to actually avoid these women? Should men begin using the Town's "Untapped Resource" in women, and start finding real connections? 'Ya know, those women that we encounter but never think twice about 'cause their looks don't kill?

I'm not speaking about the physical connection alone ... There's a plethora of girls you'll get those vibes from. And that's the truth, cut and dry. Our ideas about "The Total Package" are influenced by propaganda, which will control our twenties, thirties and even our fourties searching for this fictional woman; She doesn't exist.

Sometime you'll realize, that maybe you should've had a smoke and a drink with the discretely beautiful gal who was eyeing you up in interest, sweetly, that you had slightly smiled, waved and kept walking from 'cause propaganda has captured all disinterest conceived by old territory that sways you away from the reality.

The world constantly tells a guy "Get Real" ... Let's. Let's stroll down to Earth, and see a great woman who lives there. Who's got a dazzling personality and looks you see for a Princess. Screw the criticisms, 'cause all who ridicule are blinded to the truth of your earth-shattering connection and love that they pipe-dream about. It'll disappear instantaneously, 'cause they're the individuals chasing a dream they want of a reality, while you chased the reality and found yourself a dream.

Reflect...

"Running With Scissors."

I couldn't help but get to thinking about safe sex ... Odd how only when our physical lives are at risk do we follow certain guidelines in order to protect ourselves. But why are we so quick to forget about our emotional lives? Wouldn't it be great if there were a little pamphlet to warn us what unsafe behavior might be high risk to ourselves and our relationships? Even if you take all of the precautions and emotionally try to completely guard yourself, when you hop into the bed with someone, is sex really ever safe?

"The Awful Truth."

I couldn't help but wonder ... Are individuals planting big premiums on truthfulness and openness, where now we've misplaced the boundaries of propriety; Are there still things in a relationship that one should never say? After critical thinking, I think there are utterances better left un-uttered. Those venomous words that we don't mean and are unfiltered roll off of the tongue in a split second cause irreparable damage for the relationship; However, there are circumstances where words slip out unexpectedly and completely not planned, and we do mean them which is what we're delving into now.

There are websites which highlight the top stuff you should never say to your girlfriend ... The reoccurring thing is never to say things that you actually don't mean to flight from a fight. Are men avoiding the awful truth to maintain a halfway decent relationship? Say a man could appropriately balance what he truly means, from which that he doesn't. Wouldn't logic say the "truth", the actual truth, great or awful is appropriate? "Are there still things in a relationship that one should never say" is quite a puzzling topic, 'cause the answer is both "Yes" and "No".

Those reckless split second utterances definitely equal "Yes" ... You're, regardless it's inadvertent, slandering the relationship. Sometimes, men and women wander into forbidden territory 'cause they're hurting, and want their partner to feel the same; Understand their pain, regardless it's meaningless or temporary. Evaluate the scenario, understand the warnings and think twice prior to crossing those risky lines. Once you opt to cross, remember (s)he may not be standing alongside you after it ... You must think to yourself, would that be worth it in the end?

Those times where the truth, the awful truth, stays undisclosed equals a "No" ... You are bottling the truth, and that's a surefire recipe for total disaster, Townies. You're wandering into forbidden territory via avoiding communication, openness and truthfulness. Plant the premium, whatever it takes to swing things into the right direction for you, and whatever that actually means dumb luck and fate knows.

So ... Are there still things in a relationship that one should never say? It's a puzzling war between crossing risky bridges and bottling the truth. It's high-risk relationship behavior, and it's a decision that's all your own, when interpreting what these mean for yourself and your relationship.